Living in his shadow (Troyler AU)

19- I need time.

*Im so sorry.. Kinda..*

-Tyler's POV-

I breathed heavily, ogling at the adorable boy in front of me. He fucking kissed me. Oh my god.. I kissed him... We kissed.. Does this mean he's..Bi or gay?... For all I know he could've just been experimenting. I'm no damn lab rat, if he's only kissed me to try it out I'm gonna kill him. I don't know if he felt anything.. But I sure did. The feeling his lips gave mine is.. Well, unexplainable. I can't describe the feelings he gives me. It hurts to know that he may've just used me. He stole my first kiss.

"Tyler.." Troye whispered, his face only inches away from mine. I bit my lip, daring to look him in the eye. He looked scared, almost terrified. I only gulped, nodding for him to go on.

"Please don't tell anyone.... I-I don't even know what came over me," he shook his head, his teeth chattering from being nervous. "I don't even know how it made me feel.. I- please give me time.. I need time." He was practically begging by now.

I blinked away tears that had built up in my eyes. I turned away from him, not being able to look at him without wanting to break down. I heaved, feeling panic wash over me. It felt as if someone was sitting on my chest, suffocating me. I pulled my knees up to my chest as I rocked back and forth. He hates me. I fucking kissed him and ruined everything. It hurts! I can't fucking breathe! Am I dying? Is this how it feels to die?! This is all my fault, he'll never want to see me again. He's just trying to turn my down nicely. That only makes me feel worse.

"Tyler, Are you okay?" I could barley hear him speak. His voice sounded all staticky, like he was standing a hundred feet away. I couldn't move, I just sat there, trying not to suffocate myself. I was choking on sobs, accidentally drinking my tears. I'm a mess.

"Tyler?.." He shook my limp, almost numb body. "Tilly?!" I couldn't get myself to move. I just sat there, allowing him to shake me vigorously. "Tilly? What's happening?...." I focused my eyes on him. He looked so worried. Heh, he's always been such a good actor. I can't believe this, him.

"Don't fucking touch me!" I pushed him away, running towards the stairs.

"Tilly... P-Please.." He whispered, his voice cracking mid sentence.

"Don't call me Tilly." I snarled before running up the old rickety stairs. I heard something break after I made it all the way upstairs. I looked around the living room, noticing someone on the couch. I walked over, Connor seems to be passed out. I can see why, it's past midnight. I walked over the the front door, closing it as quietly as I could. Just because I'm pissed doesn't mean I should wake up Troye's family.

I walked down the dark lonely road, every now and then I'd glance up from the pavement. It's a lovely night, too bad I got my heart broken. No, broken is an understatement. It's been ripped out and stomped on, followed up by a bulldozer running over it. Then a cat pissing on it. It just hurts so much.. Why can't it all just end? I just want the pain in my chest to go away. I should never have come out, especially to Troye. It was such a mistake. Kissing him was a mistake. I could've just settled for Kyle. Huh, maybe I will. He won't break my heart. In fact, he may be able to mend it. Or maybe not.. I hate boys. Why couldn't I have been born straight instead? It'd make my life a shit ton easier.

I lifted my hand up to adjust my glasses. I hadn't noticed till now that I've been crying. I must've been crying the entire time I lashed out at Troye. He must think I'm a little whiney bitch.. I am aren't I? That shouldn't even be a question because I obviously am.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What happened? I thought you were staying over at Troye's tonight." My mom pulled me into a slightly comforting hug as soon as I entered her bedroom.

"C-can I s-sleep in y-your b-bed tonight-t?...." I stuttered, wiping more tears away. She rubbed up and down my back.

"Of course you can.." She said softly, lifting up a corner of the sheet. She hesitated before speaking. "D-Do you wanna talk about it?" I sniffled, thinking it over for a second. I shook my head rapidly, climbing under the sheets. I snuggled up to her chest, basking in the comfort of her embrace.

"Ok, well if you ever feel like it.. I'm all ears." She whispered, lightly massaging my head. I took my glasses off, handing them to her. She got the hint, setting them down on her nightstand.

"T-thank you.." I hiccuped. She held me close, quietly shushing me.

"It hurts to see you like this." She mumbled as I was about to doze off.

"Like what?..." I slurred my words, my eyes feeling dry from all of the tears I shed.

"Heartbroken." She whispered, her voice nearly breaking towards the end.

How did she know?...
~

A/N

Omg.. Like what even was this? Idk I wrote this pretty quickly tbh.. I hope it lived up to y'all's standards.

What'd y'all think of this? I'm okay with it. What do you thinks coming next?

I'm thinking of writing what Troye did after Tyler left.. 😏 Thoughts on this idea?.. I'm a bitch. I've said too much already.. Crap..

Dubai!~ Rachel.

Twitter-@Troylerflamingo tbh twitter makes me feel like a lonely piece of crap. Man, I've wanted to say that for so long. Ok I've said too much.. Again.