Living in his shadow (Troyler AU)

37- I'm tired of thinking

A few hours later...

-Troye's POV-

It's been four hours and everyone has yet to find me. And I'd like to keep it that way for as long as possible. I wonder how long they'll search until they call the police to deal with the situation. It'd be really embarrassing if they brought the popo into this mess. And I think I'd have to be missing for at least 24 hours before they could file a missing persons report.

I hid in plain sight; somewhere they'd never think to look. The park. Not just anywhere in the park, but the tree where Tyler came out to me. It's a very special spot to me. Only he'd think to look here. But he isn't here yet and it's been over 3 hours since I ran away.

Man, it is so cold outside. Especially because I'm emaciated and wearing short sleeves. I should never have taken my stupid shirt off.
A couple hours ago I slipped my arms into my shirt, running my hands up and down my prominent ribs to keep me warm; and it hid my mangled twig arms from the publics view. Not that anyone can see me from here.

I don't think I'll be able to face Connor- to face my parents. Tyler. I can't do it. Sometimes it all just gets a little too much. Everything is a little too much right now. I do have to wonder if the fog will ever clear up. That's one of the main reasons I stick around. I stay alive- or should I say breathing?- I do it to see if things will ever get better for me. And it does, but only for a little while, then all hell breaks loose again.

What the hell am I going to do? I can't just sleep out here tonight. It's nearing 7pm and I've got goosebumps everywhere. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up, never once laying flat. I mean, how could they when a gust of wind whisks by every thirty seconds? If I sleep out here tonight I could end up dying from losing too much body heat. But do I want to? Is it really an option?

Fuck you winter.

If I ever make it home alive, I'm gonna live in sweaters and warm socks again. I'll never take off my sweatpants off again. I'll bundle up for the rest of my life. Sounds. . . Cozy. But what will the consequences be if I go home? Will I be hugged or scolded? Will I be grounded or sent to a psych ward? Will I get medication or therapy?
All of the questions pound at my skull, wanting to be heard and thought thru. I'm tired of thinking.

I swear it just got darker out here.

I'm so screwed.

~

-Tyler's POV-

"Well where the hell else could he be? I've checked everywhere! I- I need to call our parents and the police and-"

"Shut up!" I yelled. Connor stopped pacing around the soccer field and looked at me with a shocked expression. He really wasn't expecting that from me. "I know where he is," I bit my lip, prodding the dry, patchy grass with my shoe.

"Well why didn't you tell me earlier?!" He pulled at his hair, letting out a loud frustrated groan. His twin brother is missing, I should at least try to be tactful. But, he's also my Ex-boyfriend. I have reason to be scared and worried, too.

"Sorry," I said. "I just figured it out." I can't take Connor with me. If Troye is where I think he is then he's not going to be happy if anyone else tags along. Even his brother. I just need to go alone.

"Well, what're you waiting for? Lets go!" He grabbed my sensitive arm, tugging me towards the exit of the soccer field. He touched my fresh cuts. . . The same place where Troye has them. I can't believe I didn't put two and two together sooner. I'm such a fucking idiot.

"No,"

"What? We have to go find him now!" He looked scared and frantic.

"I'm sorry. . . ." I took a deep breath, trying my hardest not to cry. "But if he is where I think he is, then I must go alone." Connor nodded, tears streaking his red cheeks. I pulled him into a tight hug.

"C-Call me if you find him," he blubbered.

"Not if, when." I kissed his cheek before running off towards the park. If I'm right, then he'll be underneath our tree.

~

I heaved for air as I neared the park. I haven't much eaten these past couple of weeks, so I have no energy at all. Justin and Connor were the only things that kept me going. I'm glad that Justin and I have become really close friends. I haven't spilled out my deepest darkest secrets to him, but he often lends me a shoulder to cry on.
And for that I am grateful.

Other than that, I've had a lot of suicidal thoughts. . . I've spent most of my nights laying in bed, just staring at the ceiling and planning suicides that I'm too much of a wuss to go thru with. God, I wish I had the guts to do it.
To just end my misery. But I just can't go thru with it, at least not yet.

I walked around children and play equipment, looking around for our tree. After walking a few hundred feet I saw something- No, someone. I saw Troye laying against the large tree. He looked to be shivering and possibly crying as well. His arms were tucked in his shirt. He's a smart kid.

As I got closer and closer I saw how utterly broken he looked. I saw how vulnerable he looked. I just wanted to hug him.

When I was around eight feet away from him, I felt a lump in my throat; keeping me from speaking. I swallowed, nearly choking in the process. I blinked tears away, taking a deep breath.

"Troye," I said, my voice coming out low and hoarse.
He looked up from the patchy grass, his eyes showed signs of pain, sadness, and something else that I could not decipher.

~

A/N

Stay tuned for more. . .

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Bye~Rachel.

Twitter-@Troylerflamingo