Chapter One
"Wait!" I called after the cab speeding down the miserable city street. "Wait!" I splashed through puddles and let out another helpless yelp for the cab that was disappearing in the rainy, New York night. It was really coming down now; all of my eye make-up was painting my face by now and I probably looked like a circus clown. A whip of air forced the stinging rain against my face. I felt my stray bangs sticking to my forehead and I sighed as loud as I could. I had to let all the nobodys wandering the streets that I was having yet another rough day.
"Mommy?" I felt my daughter squeeze at my hand. My eyes dropped to see her semi-dry self. My brother, Henry, had lent us an umbrella to use so we didn't get soaked trying to catch a ride home. I couldn't bring myself to use it for myself, though; the entire time we were running after cabs, I held the black umbrella over my little Bethany. Her blonde hair was catching dropplets of water just like her long eyelashes. Two blue eyes peered up at me for direction and comfort, and I felt like a failure. I wasn't a good Mom to her. "How are we gonna get home now?"
"Right now, Dear," I knelt down so we were eye to eye. She looked so adorable and vulnerable and innocent. She was just a normal five year old girl with a pink bow in her hair and little converse tied to her feet. "I don't know." This happened often to us. We'd get stuck somewhere because we couldn't get a cab or because I had no money to get us on the bus. We barely made it by, what with our money situation being tight. With only a single parent income supporting the two of us, it was hard to pay for transportation constantly in an enormous city.
I took her small face in my hands and brought her forehead to my lips. It was the only thing I could do to let her know that everything would be alright; I couldn't lie to her with my lips anymore than I already have. My hands wandered from her cheeks down to the gold, heart-shaped locket she had draped around her neck. This was all his fault, too. Everything was. I had no money and no job to support our daughter by myself because of him. I mean, it was me who decided to leave, but it was still his fault for being deadbeat father. And lover, for that matter.
"Let's get home, okay?" Bethany nodded her head and took my slender hand in hers. We walked down a few blocks to get to the bus station; I should have enough cash to get us to our appartment. Throughout the entire walk we took, I didn't hear Bethany complain once. I made sure I raised her to be modest and grateful for what she had. She was anything but spoiled and I had a lot to do with that. But so does he.
I knew that the local pub was on the next block over and my stomach was flopping around at the thought of being near it. We would always go out there and try to sneak a drink or two that summer. Usually it wouldn't work, but that was half the fun. That was his favorite pub and he was always there. I tried to make myself believe that tonight would be the night he wouldn't be there, but I knew I was lying to myself. I did that quite often. I lie all the time. It's just second nature to me, I guess.
Bethany and I crossed the street and now the pub was just across the street to my left. My heart almost stopped when I not only saw his broken down, stupid motor bike outside the pub, but saw him standing outside, beneath an awning, smoking on a fresh cigarette. If it wasn't raining so heavily, Bethany would have noticed me start to cry. I stopped for the slightest second to stare at him. He still had that child-like look about his face. His soft lips were wrapped around the white cylinder. I watched him pull the cigarette from those lips I knew so well and let out a dark puff of air around him. He was all alone. The only people who could dare disrupt his solitude was Bethany and I. I couldn't let him see us. I couldn't risk it.
"Let's get inside here," I tugged her arm into a small coffee shop that was hidden by the corner. "How about we call Uncle Henry to come get us, huh?" There was a hint of panic in my voice, but Bethany was just too relieved about going home to even notice. Her wide eyes softened and fluttered shut for just a second. I told her to take a seat at a table close by to me while I called Henry.
