Chapter Eight
An ear piercing sound boomed from my alarm clock at eight o'clock to wake me up, as if the busy New York morning below wasn't disrupting enough. I had to turn it off before it woke up Bethany, who was laying still next to me in her Tinker Bell pajamas. Her chest rose and fell, still undisturbed by the noises buzzing about her ears. Carefully, I climbed out of bed and tip toed to the bathroom where I started to prepare myself for the day.
I got dressed into my worn out, tattered blue jeans and a plain, gray sweater. My hair was left with it's natural waves and I applied no make-up whatsoever to my soft skin. I had no one to impress anymore, so I figured, what the hell. Just be you, Maddie. I reached down into a small, glass bowl with my pearl earrings and my 'MOM' necklace laying in it. My fingertips glided over it before I popped my head out of the door to peak on Bethany. To my suprise, she was sitting up with her tiny spine hunched over; her mouth hung open and her blue eyes stared straight ahead at the television where early morning cartoons softly hummed through the speakers.
I ran back into my bathroom, before she could see me, and finished getting ready by snapping that silver necklace around my neck. My reflection looked back at me and I felt neither love nor hatred towards the stranger in the glass. When I looked at myself, I saw the Maddie my parents and everyone else in the world saw. The irresponsable child. A disappointment. A failure. All I wanted was to look into the mirror and see the girl Bethany called Mommy every morning. Or the girl Alyson and Henry were proud to call their sister. I wanted to be the Madeline Peter fell in love with. But she was long gone. Could I ever be her again?
Laughter caught my ear and pulled my focus away from the monster I was staring at. My long legs brought me out to the mouth of my bedroom where my precious gift from above was hidding, now a lump under my comforter. "Hmm," I pondered, tapping my chin with my index finger. "Where could Bethany have gone?" I walked over to the bed and began to tickle her through the sheets; she squealed in innocent delight as I pulled the sheet back over, revieling her beautiful, disheveled self. "There's my girl."
"Mommy?" She laid her head down in my lap and stared up at me while I stroked her messy hair.
"Yeah?"
"Will you do my hair?" I leaned down and gave her a peck on the forehead and told her I would. We made our way across the room and into my bathroom once again. I sat her down on the toilet so I could do her hair. The brush charged through her hair like a soldier and succeeded in pulling her hair back so I could braid it. My fingers started to intertwine the different strands of her long, blonde hair when she asked me the strangest question. "Mommy, do I have a daddy?" My fingers stopped braiding her now smooth, blonde hair.
"What? Where did that even come from, Baby?" I was ruining her french braid now; I was shaking with the thought of Peter and Bethany knowing about him. Or Peter knowing about her. Either way, it would be catostrophic and everyone's lives would be ruined in the end.
"Well at school yesterday, we talked about our families. All of my friends talked about their daddys, and sisters, and brothers, but when it was my turn, all I had to share was my mommy." My heart instantly started to sink into my stomach. I could've provided her with a Daddy or some siblings. "Why don't I have any?"
"It's complicated, Bethany." I tied her hair with a black rubber band and she turned her sad eyes towards mine. All she wanted was to feel like the normal, five year old girl she was on the outside. That's all I ever wanted for her, too. "One day you'll understand, but right now you're just too young to get it. I just want you to remember that I love you for you and that's all that is ever going to matter, alright?" She nodded and smiled with tight lips, revieling her slight dimples. Her thin arms swung up, around my neck and held me close to her fragile body.
