The Art Of Living

12. Shame

Why I can't sustain the hate, the severity of such restraint that decays within like parasites that consume themselves a brief respite. Cease from all the suffering.  No hope is bound for recovering

Nathan Wethersby claimed I had the power to ruin him. A part of me just couldn't believe him. Maybe out of spite, however something did remain between us. Something bigger than the both of us alone. Something bound us that neither of us could explain. Maybe I did have the power to destroy him but it would be what destroyed me in the process.

A part of me truly hated him.

I went to slap him but he grunted, locking possessive hands on my hips. The second he touched me it was all over.

My skin blazed, it burned and it hurt.

My hand fell from the almost slap and landed on his chest. Fuck the way his chest moved up then down under the palm of my hand as he heeved in massive breaths of air. Damn he was fighting it. I could see he was restraining himself. Perfect fucking control unlike me who wanted to ravage every inch of his being.

I was crazy with need and he was as horny as I was. How could he be so coy? My lack of control turning him on.

His stare trapped me in place as he drove upward with his hips.
The whip of desire dragged an embarrassing cry from my lips. I hated feeling so vulnerable beneath him but I was powerless to stop it. He didn't break the glare, not once as I rocked against him, desperate to find relief.

At the point of hyperventilating I had realised that I was at the point of release when I felt a moment of heights shift inside me. It was new this whirlwind of inner emotion. I mean the fact that his friends were still there didnt even bother me. How could this be. I actually didn't give a shit.

What the hell was happening. The man hadn't even entered me and was bringing me to peak just by his words, his behaviors and perverted ways. And with that thought his eyes finished me off.

Yes. My eyes closed and my head went back.

Yes. I tucked my bottom lip between my teeth and sucked.

Fuck, yes. My mouth opened as my internal muscles squeezed to my breaking point then shattered outward. I rode against his touch. Shamelessly screaming. I'd never felt anything so tantalizing and utterly so sinful. The most intense release of my existence.

It was then that I remembered something that he'd said when we first met.

After I'm through with you, you won't be wanting anything Michael can give you.

Need crackled like electric shock beneath the layers of my skin. Like fire and ice and the thought made me tremble. My thoughts were now ravenous things.

When I opened my eyes he was staring with an arrogant smile. He knew what he was doing to me. He was as sure of my response as he was of himself. The smug bastard. Then I realised he had all the power. Was I hooked, addicted already. Would I need him now and more importantly would he give me what I needed.

The thought scared me. Despite everything all my efforts to stay sensible started to come back to me and I felt it.

Shame.

Well else was there to do but to show him what he'd done. What he'd made me do. I was loyal to only him. He was all that mattered and it was then that I relaised that the decision had been made. My mind was set and I moved closer. Closer to the edge.

I could see myself doing it and i wasn't afraid. At this point I was only afraid of not doing it. I said I would and I needed him to know even if it was the last thing I ever did.

Why not do it. If this us the end maybe its a blessing at least now the suffering could end and maybe ai could find peace one way or the other.

My foot teeters over the edge. It was a long way down. The fear I felt fleeding but it was still there. I cleared my mind of all thoughts but him and remembered.

I remembered clearly how he made me just feel not minutes before. How he took my breath away, how he made my heart stop beating, how he made my stomach flip and turn inside out. I was nothing if not his. I turned to look upon him once more. I took his hand in mine once more.

I leaned backward and closed my eyes and pushed off the ledge. I felt the wind move through me and I shivered. I actually felt my soul leave my body, My life flash before my eyes before I disappeared beneath the blackened sky.