Conquest

[21]

"Pablo. Dude, where the fuck are you?" Jason shook me, tossing some of my stuff in a box. What kind of friend willingly helps pack? Homies are committed, damn.

Dead, I wanted to say. Im dead inside. But I didn't say that, deciding to focus up. This ain't their job.

Travis and the boys were helping me get ready to leave. It's been about 8-9 months since I've been around. They were always on about how I was the coolest faggot they'd ever met. Ima miss them.

"Good luck man."

"Fuck that dude, go get laid in New York."

They helped me carry my box's down to my car. The girls were waiting at the entrance, wanting to say goodbye. Dabbed up the guys before hoping in, making way for the airport. Lynda and Brian were gonna be there when I arrived, ready to tell me what a sick waste of sperm I am.

I got like 20 minutes in the Uber, jamming out to some Cuarto Poder but nothing got through my fuckin head. Rob was done with me. No point moping around begging. Bu..fuck. I didn't even get to see her.

I called Robert, rushing to get ahold of him before I pulled up to the airport. Bro better not have blocked me. I told him to pick up after the call declined, asked him to let me talk to her. She deserved a goodbye. She needs to know I didn't just up and leave.

Roberts name popped up on the screen a second later and I sighed in relief. The first sound that came through the other end was little murmuring that had me grinning in a sec.

"Hello?"

"Hey, kid."

"Pablo! Daddy, it's P-..Hi! Where are you?!" Kill me.

"Uh I'm heading to the airport. Gonna get on a plane, you ever been on a plane?"

"Mmm..Daddy, have I ever been on a plane?" The line went quite before she popped up again. "Yeah, I was when I was 3. To habai-um." She mispronounced but I understood.

"Hawaii? Damn, that's crazy. You had fun, right?"

"I think so, I- we went on the surfboard." She exclaimed although she was probably imagining it. I laughed along, talking her up. "Where are you going?"

"Home, in New York. You know what they got there?" She thought for a moment but couldn't come up with anything. "Bright lights, lots of traffic and..rats." She giggled at that.

"Hey..I..I'm not gonna be back for a bit, okay? I got a lot of work to do. My family needs me, so..um, was just checking in, say my goodbyes."

"Well..so, you'll be back tomorrow?"

"No, I don't think so."

"..next week?"

I dropped back to the headrest, eyes sliding shut. This is such a waste of time. All of it was. What am I doing, why do I care. Stop fucking caring.

"I gotta go okay, I'm in a rush. But I'll think of you the whole time, yeah?"

"Okay. Did you want to talk to Daddy?"

"Nah, I gotta go. You be good."

"Mm okay. Have fun, love you!"

I said nothing, the phone clenching in my hand. Something stung at my eyes and I began to panic. Hang up the phone bro. Move one, leave. Fuck all of this.

"..you too, kid. Peace." I hung up the device, tossing it across the seat before I could let any of it get to my head.

My fingers brushed through my hair, trying to calm down but I could barely catch my breath and I couldn't tell if I needed to kill somebody or throw myself out the car. I took the ladder, practically ripping the hair from my head.

"That your kid? Ay I got the same thing going on with my baby mama, I feel you. Sorry, man." The guy up front muttered, glancing over from the rearview.

"Yeah. Thanks." I shook my head, shutting my mind out for the rest of the ride. I would say I just wanna go home but I don't really have one of those at the moment. This is a cruel fucking joke, I swear.

I sat at the gate to my flight, carryon hanging between my legs. They bounced like crazy as I looked around, waiting for something to happen. Jesus, what was I hoping to find? Some romcom shit, them running through the airport chasing me down? Beg me not to leave?

I'm so fucking whipped. Jason was right. I need to get to New York and I need to get laid.

"Snacks?" The waitress came up, smiling politely as she presented the trolly thing. Usually I'd be my charming self but what the fuck was the point. I got a bunch of peanuts and chocolate. I planned to spend the rest of the flight drowning in rap and stuffing my face.

A child kicked on the back of my seat, one after another. My eyes clenched, two seconds from snapping.

"Can you get your kid under control man?" I hissed over my shoulder. The guy spoke up distractedly, "Sorry." The kicks stopped a second later but not for long.

My mind wandered for a moment and I thought about it. What if..

I stood, deciding I needed to use the restroom and chill out. I didn't look back as I began my way through the aisle.

I washed out my face time and again, slapping myself a bit to knock some sense into me. Stop being stupid.

When I got out, I kept my eyes down. I shouldn't look. My seat came up and I was about to tuck in. I couldn't help the glance I took to the row behind me. I'd expected to see two knowing grins waiting for me.

The black man glanced up over the phone in his hands, curious at the attention. I averted my eyes, taking my seat. I shook my head as disappointment overwhelmed me and I got that feeling again.

"No. Fuck. No." I smacked my own face, firsts clenching on the arm rests. Don't fucking do it, keep it together.

I haven't cried since the 6th grade, the very second I'd realized I was gay. That was the worst moment of my life and for almost a decade, nothing could even come close to that feeling.

I glanced out the window for a distraction, eyes settling on the pure emptiness, the distant city lights long gone. I cussed and my face fell into my hands as I began to cry.

Their really gone, aren't they?