Escape | ✓

22 [part two]

I didn't expect to see Cronan waiting by my door when I returned from the woods. His hair was a mess, his jaw clenched, and his body was tense.

"Cronan—" I started to say, but he cut me off with a scowl.

"Arlo ended things," he said and my eyes widened.

"What?"

"He ended things," Cronan repeated, his eyes glaring holes into the wall.

"Why?" I couldn't help but ask as I unlocked the door.

Was...was it because of what Reuben said about Arlo seeing Cronan and me? Was that why they were fighting?

Cronan followed me inside and collapsed on the couch. His elbows rested on his knees and his head was leaned down, facing the floor causing his dark hair to fall as well. He didn't immediately answer my question, but I didn't ask again. Instead, I grabbed my laptop that had been sitting on the table and started to update the notes I'd been keeping on the wolf, explaining how it had changed since I arrived. I figured that when Cronan was ready to talk then he would, but prying would only push him away.

"He said that we didn't want the same thing so there was no reason to continue down a path where we'd both end up hurt," Cronan eventually told me so I stopped typing. He didn't move from his position but continued. "That's what we were arguing about. He wanted more; more than I could give him."

He ran his hands over his face and I frowned. "What does he want?"

Cronan sighed. "When Arlo and I first met, it wasn't anything serious. We'd meet up every once in a while and that was that. However, over the past few months, he's been changing."

"He wants an actual relationship," I supplied and he nodded.

"I guess I knew it. I mean, we went from a few meetings to him being at my place multiple times a week, we went places together, and he was always smiling, but..." he shook his head.

"But you never made it official," I said. "Did you want to?"

Cronan hesitated to respond. "I never planned on staying in Oakwood for as long as I have. That guy who was in my apartment—I know you saw him because he told me—was my brother. Well, adopted brother. The plan was to always return home eventually, and starting a relationship when we aren't even mates is just asking for trouble."

I knew there was some truth to his words. In the Silver Night, we were always told not to get involved with anyone who wasn't our mate to avoid the pain. Eventually, that person would find the one meant for them and you'd be discarded like yesterday's trash. Of course, some wolves said to hell with the mate bond and married someone else, but those relationships seldom lasted or were unhappy so I understood why Cronan didn't want to start a relationship with Arlo.

"I do care about him," his words were quiet. "I do."

"I know."

When I went to Cronan's place, it was as if Arlo was there with us. His scent was strong inside the apartment and there were little pictures and items I knew had to come from someone else besides Cronan.

"Do you want my advice?" I asked and Cronan's blue eyes met my brown. He nodded so I continued. "I think that if you really can't see yourself taking that next step then you should let him go." I knew the words weren't what he wanted to hear, but I continued. "You said it yourself, Arlo's wanting something more, and if you continue to be with him, knowing that you're never going to be able to offer him that then it just makes you an asshole. As much as it hurts, would you rather lose him as a fling or lose him altogether?"

Cronan didn't respond, but I could tell he was mulling over my words. I went back to typing while he sat beside me. It was strange not hearing his usual banter.

"Have you been hurt in the past?" Cronan asked me. Seeing my expression, he added, "You seemed like you were talking from experience."

My mind immediately traveled to Fen, but also to the loads of foster families I stayed with.

"Not in the same way, but yeah I have. I know a thing or two about wanting more than a person can give and also about losing people who were key figures in your life."

"Do you hate them? The person who you lost?"

"No," I sighed. "Believe me when I say I should, but I don't. It's complicated. On one hand, I remember how far back we went and all the fun we had. I could never hate that person from my childhood, but on the other, I remember all the pain they caused me and it feels like I should hate them."

"But you don't," he said and I nodded.

"But I don't."

Not long after that, Cronan fell asleep. My mind remained on Fen though. Specifically, I thought back to the day he told me what he'd done. I remembered the anger I felt with him; the way I'd punched him. That was the last time I saw Fen and I couldn't help but wonder what would change if that day never happened. Would Fen still be by my side? Would he have still left the pack? Where would I be now?

I knew it did me no good to ask hypotheticals, but I couldn't help it. I often found myself wondering what would have happened if Fen didn't act on his feelings or if he had never fallen for me in the first place. I wondered if we would have still been friends.

They say everything happens for a reason, but even now, I'm still struggling to see what the reason behind Fen's decision was. I struggled to see how it could benefit me in the long run.

Shutting my laptop, I stood from the couch, grabbed a blanket from my room, and threw it over Cronan. I then went to the bathroom to take a shower and force the thoughts about Fen out of my mind.