A Faded Distortion

2

For a while, it was silent, other than the occasional shuffling of Mind in his room. I could hear him messing around with the guitar, trying to get it to work. I remembered solemnly that Soul tried to teach him once, but Mind had turned down the offer.

I felt almost numb, sitting down in my bedroom, holding one of my favourite stuffed animals tight to my chest. I wanted to cry, let my feelings out, but no tears would come. It hurt, knowing that when I used to feel like this, it was Soul who would help and comfort me.

Soon I began to dwell on why Soul had done it. The answer was obvious, because of Mind and I, but there had to have been more to it than that. I tried to think what caused our fights, what in specific caused him to feel like this, and things of that sort.

Realisation soon hit me like a freight train, and guilt began to overwhelm me. It was my fault. I was the one who always started fights, I was the one who shot Mind, I was the root of everything bad that happened to us. And worst of all, I was the reason Soul was dead.

The tears began to flow before I could stop them, and my breathing soon turned to heavy sobs. Both Mind and I needed him, he was a huge part of us, and yet I caused him to kill himself.

I tied my blindfold back on, not caring that it would get soaking wet from me crying. I couldn't bare to see any longer, knowing that the only reason I could was because Soul's trident was passed down to me.

For a while, I sat there, wallowing in my grief and guilt. At one point, I became so overwhelmed that I stood up, grabbing something off of my nightstand and throwing it forward. I fell to the floor, half of me wanting to wail and cry my heart out, and the other wanting to suffer in silence.

I heard Mind's footsteps approach, and I heard my door close behind him. He must have seen my disheveled state, having sat down next to me. I leaned against him, and he wrapped his arms around be, offering some physical comfort as I cried.

~Mind POV~

After I had found Soul, read his note, and given Heart her trident, I had disappeared into my room, attempting to learn to play Soul's old guitar. I ignored what I was feeling, though I found that to be quite the task. I could hear Heart crying from her bedroom, and I felt something else, worry.

I disliked feeling so much emotion, it made me feel sick to my stomach. I wanted to do things that didn't make sense, like crying. It was strange. But no matter what I did, the feelings wouldn't go away. I did my best to ignore them, trying to focus on playing the guitar.

I heard glass shatter from Heart's bedroom, and my worry got the best of me. I rushed over, finding her sitting on the floor, crying her heart out. The remains of a snapple bottle were on the ground near the farthest wall, and it was clear that that was what had shattered.

Without a word, I sat down next to her, pulling her towards me. She leaned up against me, still crying hard. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her. I wasn't sure of how to comfort her, and it was especially hard since I was suppressing these emotions myself.

"It's my fault, isn't it?" She asked suddenly.

"What?" Her question dumbfounded me, for that thought had never even crossed my mind.

"It's my fault, that Soul did it. I- I mean, I caused the fights between us, I made the irrational decisions, I caused all our problem-"

"Of course not, Heart. It's not your fault," I cut her off, trying to provide some positive affirmation. It couldn't have been our fault, could it?

That sentiment soon changed, and I realised that it only could have been our faults. A new emotion, guilt, came over me. It was far too much to bear, especially accompanied by grief, regret, and sorrow.

As I started to cry, it felt like I couldn’t control myself. No matter what I did, it wouldn't stop. I just gave up, figuring that Heart of all people would understand. I remembered his last words to me with a pang, wishing more than ever that I hadn't just brushed him off, even if I only had done it for a moment.

Heart and I stayed like that for a while, sharing our pain in losing Soul. I soon got used to the feeling of it all, and it became less bothersome, though still disgustingly overwhelming. It was somewhat comforting to know that I still had Heart, and I realised now why she acted the way she did. If I had to deal with these emotions, or even really any emotions, at all times, I would be the same way.

It had been a while, and Heart had cried herself to sleep, when I suddenly heard a sound, originating from somewhere outside Heart's room. I saw Heart awake with a start, raising her head to look around. I saw, with some brief amusement, her realisation as she laid her head back down, still having her blindfold on.

At first, all I had heard was a small amount of movement, which is what had startled Heart and I. But after a moment, I realised that it couldn't have been something just falling or something. No, this was a person.

A/N im writing this at 3am while listening to bendy and the ink machine songs lmfoaoaoaoaooa
also no i do not ship any of the jashlings thats weird