To Be Loved

Chocolates

"Did you have a good sleep?" I was startled to hear my mother-in-law's voice and I looked at her keeping folded laundry in the couch.

"Yeah." I said and got up from the bed. I woke up around ten minutes ago and was thinking who turned the AC on as I don't remember switching it on while sleeping. My mother in law said she will leave to have her afternoon nap and I am sure he did not come inside, I am a light sleeper and I would have known.

" go wash your face, I will prepare you something to eat and drink. And oh! Vaishnavi came and took Varun out so don't wait up for him to come tonight, they will be late as usual."

I just nodded at her but I was stuck to that name. Vaishnavi. Who is she now? I don't know. I don't know anything at this point. I don't like this marriage. I don't like Varun and I am certain I won't like this in the future too. So it doesn't matter who she is or what they do together. My father forced my head into this marriage and it will be so for me.

I looked at my mother in law now as she folded her clothes, I understood why my parents arranged this marriage to Varun, it's not because he understands, it's because he is stuck somewhere in life and doesn't care about me, he will not give a shit about anything that's related to me because according to my brother he lost every hope. He just practically doesn't care and married me for his parents sake.

I have no expectations, no love nothing for that man and I am sure it's vice-versa. I went to the washroom and removed the saree chose a light cream colour half hands kurta with maroon leggings and came out to see the room empty.

I went outside after picking a matching stole to my leggings and saw everyone having tea in the living room. I sat beside my mother-in-law who smiled at me and asked me what I wanted to have.

"What kind of symptoms do you have?" I looked at Deepika who is Varun's sister-in-law. I was about to answer when she shot me another question.

"Do you have morning sickness? Nauseous with food smells?"

"Yeah."

"Oh it will be so for few months, don't worry I will help you out with everything, it's fine, once the first trimester ends you won't have this nauseous feeling mostly. And which doctor are you consulting by the way?" She asked.

"Doctor Reena."

"That's good, I went to her during my pregnancy and I personally know her too, she is my sister's close friend so don't worry, you are in safe hands." She said with a warm smile. Strange, that is so strange to me that I could not help but give her a small smile. I know that's the first one I genuinely gave since past few months.

These people are different, they are made different, I don't know what was the reason they all are accepting me when they have no reason to! I am bearing a baby that doesn't belong to their family even in one percent. If they wanted their son to marry someone, why did they not chose someone who is more compatible to him? Why did they even wanted me in the first place? Why did Varun accept this marriage?

I mean who in the world wants a woman who eloped and came back with a child? I am not being insensitive, I am talking in the society's language. And if that hurts, question it yourself. I am sure the talks about how much of a whore I am is now circulating in my family. I will be the talk for awhile considering not just I left but also came back with a baby in my womb and on top of that married to a man who I was told lost his purpose to live. It's a sham. The wedding is a sham and so is my life.

No matter what I could not let myself mingle with them, I could not just sit there and be ease with them like they are without feeling inferior to them. Look at them, all are successful and happy family while me? Broken, worthless, I am not even sure whether their kindness is something that will last long.

I looked at my father in law who is a retired military officer. He is kinda scary with his big black moustache and the curtness he carries himself with. Since I was a kid I have always been wary of this family due to this man because I was simply scared. No reason why and what. I was scared of his strictness. That's it.

They tried to drag me in the conversations a couple of times and I tried to talk as much as I could but my battery is dying down. And just then I heard a woman's laugh and turned around, to see a petite woman of my age coming inside. She has curly hair and her skin is shining, she has a nose ring and is in a t-shirt my father would have narrowed his eyes on.

"Oh! You came early? I thought you won't be coming till night!" Said my mother-in-law.

"Maha, that's Vaishu, Varun'a best friend and a very important person for our family! You might have seen her today morning but we were not able to arrange a meeting."

Vaishnavi held my gaze and smiled extending her hand as she came towards me. I shook her hand and then Varun came and stood beside her. I immediately looked down. No, it's not shy. It's fear, shame, fear of being judged and shame if being known.

"We brought you something, Varun give her na."

Varun handed me over a package and I took it still not looking at him and mumbled a thank you.

"They are chocolates, I hope you like them! I wanted to give you something and I don't really know what you will like so Varun told me that you like chocolates."

I gripped the chocolates hard and slowly lift my eyes to look at Varun who was already looking at me and the next second he looked away as if my gaze burnt him.

"Thank you." I mumbled and she smiled.

It's weird how everyone around him are very sunshine while everyone around me back at home are very grumpy. He is lucky I guess. Because it's very rare for people to care about you, and there are very less people who does that genuinely. I still don't know a lot about this family. But I think it's not really bad for a first day.