To Be Loved

A Dream that Never Comes True

My husband is a very complicated man. So that's why I am a kitten with claws around him. Well, I can outhelp how he is a cute white rabbit in front of everyone but for me? A bull in a pissed-off mood.

While I might get shit from my mother for being so insensitive about my husband but guess who is not on talking terms? Yes.

I looked at him as he glared at his mother first, then the cat, and then for a split second his eyes lingered on my face before his entire attention went off to his best friend. Vaishali.

Vaishali has been with him for as long as I can remember. She was his thick and thin and has been there for him forever. She also was my brother's girlfriend at one point, as in when they were fifteen. But they broke up. When asked my brother said 'Compatible issues ' Well now only he knows what kind of stupid compatible issues he had back when he was just fifteen.

My stomach just grumbled and I slowly traced my stomach holding the cat in my cocoon. It started snuggling against my breasts giving me a warm feeling.

Due to pregnancy, my breast size has increased. I felt some staring happening and saw Varun look at me... more like glaring at me. Now what did I do?

See see! This is his problem! He just glares at me and expects me to stay quiet like one idiot. As if I will! In his bloody dreams! I huffed and took my baby kitten inside our room taking my leave from all three of them only to hear Vaishali's laugh.

I stopped near the corner where a wall was hiding me from them and her laughter continued. I pushed myself a little back to see him casually putting his hands in his jeans pocket and she placed her hand on the right side of the chest as she threw her head back and started laughing.

Something churned in me. Deep inside me, I saw his face lit up like a Diya on Diwali and that stung. Cause I never received those smiles.

I agree it has been what like two weeks of our marriage but he doesn't even look at me let alone smile at me.

When I told him that we needed to help each other to survive the drama of our marriage, he agreed. But that's not just that. He did not say a word above or below. It was monotonous and robotic. We do not talk, we fight, he growls at me or that's what he assumes but that's just bark. And I Hisssss at him and he looks at me with a disgust that rivals mine about my family. That hurts me, and like a normal person who distances themselves when they realise they are not liked by someone, I started doing stuff to make him more mad at me.

In that way, he at least glares at me, he at least shows that he is disgusted by my actions and that he is actually, in fact, seeing what I am doing instead of treating me like an object that exists in a corner of his room.

His mother one day came to me, cornered me in our room and told me something that still makes me pause and look at him sometimes, something he doesn't seem to notice with his army-trained senses.

She told me that he had a crush on me. At first, I laughed at her but then she told me that there was this instance when I was five in the sense he was ten back then, I dragged him to play with me and asked him to marry me and we did. We did get married through our stupid plays and that day he got back home and told his mother that when he grows up, he is going to marry me because I look like a star.

I don't. Look like a star I mean, but that was cute, considering we were just kids and I don't even remember that happening. Trauma and all. But Young me would have done that. Along with a couple of other stuff that I have no recollection of anymore.

As much as I tried not to let that affect me. I couldn't help but smile or blush at the thought of Varun saying that.

I looked at him laughing as he was talking with his best friend and felt my cheeks flame.

The reason I don't want to catch myself being sweet to him is that in the two weeks of marriage, I realised how much of a responsible man he is. The way he cares for his family, and his best friends, the way he wakes up at two o'clock in the night and sits outside scrolling through memories of his ex, I see it all. I see how his feelings are, I see the complications behind those feelings and the pain behind that easy-going smile.

I won't say I am attracted. But I am surely as hell impressed. It's not bad to admire one's husband. As I know loving him would be a dream that never comes true.