To Be Loved

Lady in the Red.

"You know you this marriage something we always wanted."

"It's a blessing that they got married finally."

"Did you see, Varun was looking at Maha like she would disappear the next second he bats an eye."

Everyone laughed at the comment my mother made about me. We are having lunch in my home after we got married in the temple. I sighed and looked at Mahalakshmi who looks like she wants to disappear from the face of earth.

Same Mahalakshmi, same.

"Why don't you kids feed each other! Due to the circumstances we are not able to complete all the ceremonies. Why don't you guys feed each other now?" My mother said again making me grit my teeth. But nevertheless picked the sweet that usually everyone does and turned towards her to look at her.

My stomach dropped when she looked at me. She did not say anything but I could see how frightened she is.

No use of being frightened now Mahalakshmi. That's why you should have thought about this before saying yes to the marriage.

I fed her the sweet and she took a small bite and I kept the ladoo back in my plate.

"You don't need to feed me." I said not wanting to make her uncomfortable and suddenly the table went silent. I looked up to see my mother throwing glares at me and I ignored them perfectly. No amount of their glares will make me make this girl uncomfortable. I don't know what she went through but I don't want to make her life more miserable by forcing her to do stuff. She clearly looks uncomfortable around me. Now I even wonder whether she actually agreed to this marriage or...

I looked at Bhargav who is eating calmly. He would not do that to his sister. He respects them a lot and we all know how protective he is off about his sisters. Mahalakshmi especially. Since childhood he has always been protective of her.

"Have some more dal." My mom pushed food towards Mahalakshmi more and more.

Once we are done with food, they bid their farewell and mom took Mahalakshmi to my room while my dad stopped me.

"I know this marriage is not what you want." He stated as he motioned me to sit in the sofa.

Finally dad, thanks for accepting that fact after the marriage is done .

"But Mahalakshmi is right for you. I know it's hard. But understand her. Accept whatever she brings with her as yours. You know what I mean?"

He is referring to the baby. And I nodded. "Treat her right. Remember your trauma is never your-"

"Excuse to treat someone bad. I know dad."

A small smile played on his lips as he looked at me.

" I know your mom raised you right. I know I raised you right. Life is tough, and will get more tough for you. But remember only when you have each other's back in tough times, the time will get better. It's never a good time. You will just love that person so much that the normal time feels like a good one. Take it from me, I have always been posted in the border. But your mom and I spent our time together and when we did, it was always wonderful. It's nothing special, it's the affection that makes it special. So don't give up, you have a long life. She had a bad life too. Remember that before ever blaming her."

He left after saying this and I sat there for a second. It's almost amusing how everyone in my family is rooting for both of us, and how they love her. It feels surreal. Nothing feels like a reality anymore.

I don't know what the odds are about pairing me and her. I don't know on what basis both our parents thought that it's a good match between a girl who is pregnant with somebody's baby and a guy who has some burnt body and a cripple.

When I say this out loud people will say that I am being unkind to myself. Does being kind will change the fact and bring me back my old life? Will being kind to myself do anything more than satiating my own feelings and emotions?

Yeah. That's right. That's what I am talking about. I looked at the clock and it's close to three so I made my way slowly to my room in the ground floor. My room originally used to be there in the first floor and this room initially was my dead grandma's but after my accident, it was already hard enough for me to walk. I could not climb stairs so my father arranged my room here. It's a little inside from the main room since my grandma preferred a calm life. I am thankful to her for this.

I entered inside and I am immediately shocked to see the scene inside. She is sleeping. Snoring even. Her mouth is open and the blanket fell on the ground, her long black hair is a mess and her saree drifted a bit from her stomach part now which is fully uncovered to my naked eye. I looked away soon, but my mind captured her picture in those few seconds, her red saree against her skin, her stomach.

Stop being a fucking creep. My mind whispered and I shook my head to get away from this embarrassment. I picked up the duvet and covered her. Her face is full of her hair, and I know she is very uncomfortable with that, I wanted to remove them and keep them in their place but I stopped myself. Watching her till now is enough. No more being a creep.

I took the self help book that I left on my table last noon and started reading it, but all my thoughts started forming up, leading me to the lady in the red saree snoring soundly in my room, as if she didn't just barge in my life with a baby in her womb.