I felt the note carefully, each word my heart dropped even more. It took me a few seconds to even recognize what was written. I wish I had never picked it up. I wish that she had never left. I immediately felt tears start to drip down my cheeks. This must be some kind of prank, I thought.
I shuffled quickly over to her side of the nightstand. I felt all the notes. I studied their words. I desperately hoped this was some kind of joke. but I knew. I knew it wasn't. I let out an ear-piercing cry of despair, knowing she was gone. She was gone. I wouldn't ever see her again. After these years of loving and trusting her. I thought we would stay together forever. But we didn't. I didn't want this. Why would I? I would have accepted her no matter what. I wouldn't taken her at her worst. But now she was again. I sat on our bed, my head in my hands.
What ever happened to forever? What happened to loving to until we get old and die? Surely I can fix this. I must be able to fix this. I got out of bed immediately, running outside, still in my pajamas. I smelled around for her lovely, familiar scent but I didn't. Why would this happen? Why didn't I wake up and stop her? Why didn't Satan stop her? I've devoted so much to him. And he let this happen. What am I even thinking?? This isn't his fault. It isn't his job to do that. I just want my Noelle back. I knew I wouldn't get her back. I let out pathetic sobs. Standing there, outside, crying like a little child.
It reminded me of myself as a little one. Standing outside of Nihil's office, crying just because he said a few mean words. It seems so stupid now. It seems like I was just being a crybaby compared to this. Now that I think about it, my entire life has been tragedy and loss. Nihil being Nihil, first Primo dying, then Secondo, then Terzo. All of them died. And the Ghouls I grew up with, I thought they died too. And now I've lost Noelle. I don't even want to think about what would happen if I try to love again.
I don't think I want to love again.
