♫ mrs siren. (random book)

the ones, part 5

TW: grammarly

as i woke up, breakfast was already there, apparently i sleep walked and cooked breakfast and i put it in the freezer

"hey this porridge tastes good" shrek smiled, sitting

"bye, i have to go to college" i said, as i was packing my bags-

i was also packing my cute diary, it had a unicorn on it

-time skip-

umm, so i found draco near my house DATING my other ex, fiona

"FIONA HE'LL USE YOU" i shouted

"FUCK, IM BREAKING UP WITH U FIONA, HE REVEALED MY SECRET" draco cried

i was so happy after taking down dracofuck's plan

grammarly started dating him and both of them were using each other openly

#grammarlysucks

"IM SO EMOOOOOO" pick me fiona said, with her flawed ass makeup

i was trampling fiona because she was being annoying

she then trampled me back.

beep....beep......beep.....beeep.........beep.....beep.......beep...beep.....beep........beep......beep..........beep..........beep......beep.......beep......beep.......beep..........beep...........beep.........beeep...............

i had woke up in the hospital, it faintly smelled like corpses, either there was a cemetery nearby or it was just my hallucinations from fiona trampling on me

"hey, how are you?" shrek asked, sounding like he wanted to have sex with me

"a little bad from fiona trampling on me" i repiled, almost fainting in the bed sheets because i was so limp from fiona

the nurse was none other than... doris

she was quite funny but she was mean to gingy

i then felt like it was my time to be FRUITY....

but alas, i couldnt because i was immobilized

"hehe, im more than just a gingerbread man, wanna go?" gingy asked

"no thanks" i replied

then, peppa arrived

the sus scrofa domesticus asked "do you want this coat? i made it out of susie's wool, its suuuuper cosy" 

"y-y-y-yes" i stuttered almost fainting

she then gave it to me

grammarly was screeching at everyone because they had some kind of relationship with duo

doris killed grammarly and burned the body

however, i couldnt write everything that happened because i was resting and i was only told by gingy after i was still a bit tired

i then went to my hom- i mean apartment sorry, it was snowing and our car was a bit cold, but that coat peppa gave me was amazing and it protected me

after that, i went to our bed to sleep

when i woke up shrek called me a hottie, a boy who shakes his pantys like jelly

"whats for breakfast?" i asked

"pancakes with blueberries on top" shrek sexily said, in his alpha deep voice

after eating my breakfast, it was my time to go to college

"bye, ill be doing art comissions" shrek waved

-time skip-

after shrek finished his comissions at 7:23 pm, i asked him whats for dinner

"whats for dinner, shreky weky boo boo" i asked, with my fingers pointing at each other, joined

"hmm, maybe bread sandwiches" he answered

i then sat down at the table, eating already cooked bread sandwiches

i then went to sleep

morning, i got some free cookies from the nearby restaurant

(P.S: no smut in this crackfic even when it ends, sorry)

"wanna do the deed?" shrek asked

"no" i replied

i then ate some salad with a side of 6 cookies

after that, i went to go use padwatt to read crackfics

and after that, i trash talked fiona with shreky weky boo boo

"omigosh! shes such a pick me saying shes emo or preppy" i said

"FRRR, she also keeps saying shes bad at everything with the UWU at the end" shrek said

also, i ate some leftover cookies for dinner and i trampled fiona 9 times and she died (rip fionussy flopnus)