my moon

A little while ago

A little while ago,
There lived a little bird.
Whose wings were cut off,
Forced to walk a path full of thorns.

"One day I'll get them back,
One day I'll fly too."
Those were the words she whispered,
"Trust me I love you"

She told herself every night,
Feeling starved of attention and love.
But how could she feel love,
When she was everyone's,
But no one was truly her's.

I don't remember when crying became something I never did. I used to cry everyday. Over everything. To the point everyone called me a 'crybaby'. Maybe that's the reason I'm like this now? No cries, no smiles, no pain, no happiness.

I'm only twelve though.

But I can still feel myself slip away. I feel old. I'm only twelve. But... I think it'll be better if I died.

"Why can't I feel anything?" I searched and searched for answers. But there were none.

Because to me, the reasons of my suffering, looked like my only solution.

I was just a child. Happy and bright. Cried a lot, sure. But that's what made me human did it not? Then why? Why did you make me feel like I was so weak?

You think I'm stronger now. I'm just on edge. Brink of death. Holding my own self back by a thread.

I'm only thirteen.

Only thirteen and wondering, Will I feel it if I cut my self? Will it hurt if I die? Will it hurt worse than this feeling tho?

Will it hurt more than being not just unloved, unwanted and unappreciated but also hated, bullied, told to kill myself?

Huh?

What do you mean you didn't mean it?

It was a joke?

I was fucking dying and you're saying it was a joke?

A fucking joke?

You told me you hate me everyday. You told me I'm nothing, I don't matter, every fucking day. For what? A joke?

I'm only fourteen, my dear.

My life is a joke to you?

Well... I guess I'm better off without you all. But you know I can't leave.

You know you have me under your clutch.

You know it, right, mother?

You know that I can't unlove you. You know I can't unhate myself. You know I can't change. I'm too damn stubborn.

I still tried though. You know I never give up. Tried and tried and tried to let you go.

I'm fifteen, mother.

Look!

I'm your perfect daughter!

I'm so perfect aren't I?

Why won't you look at me?

Mother, I'm hurt too. I'm bleeding. Why do you care only about him?

LOOK AT ME

please

Just look at me

You won't...

You just won't...

I'll do it myself then.

If you won't do it I'll do it myself.

I'll help myself.

Oh? Now you're calling me a heartless monster?

Why?

Hmm?

I'm sixteen now.

I'm cold?

Oh I really wonder why.

I don't tell you anything, mother? I'm distant? I'm secretive?

I really fucking wonder why.

I was hurting, mother. I still am.

But you know what you taught me?

My cries are useless. It's better to fucking suffer and die, than cry and ask for help.

I swore to myself I'll never love anyone ever again. Not in any fucking way. I'm done.

Oh I can't take it anymore tho...

Maybe it's finally time...

To leave.