my story

the turning

Jacob was my best friend and we were on and off in and out of a relationship from 2016 to 2020. he made me really happy and I still don't honestly know if I really loved him or if he was just a "filler" when I was alone. Jacob proposed to me and I said yes we were going to get married June twelfth 2019, but then I broke his heart and mine at the same time because I wasn't ready for commitment.

four hundred fifty seven days I didn't even take me three days out of four hundred fifty seven days to wholeheartedly believe Brandon was the one God sent for me. our love was different it was sweeter, kinder, nicer, gentler, and more innocent which is why I thought he was the one God sent for me because he was willing to wait for me. Brandon made me so happy for the four hundred fifty seven days I knew him. I knew I loved him from the time he first looked at me. I knew he loved me as well. when he died it broke my heart to the point that I fell into addiction in less than a year. he died June seventeenth 2019 and my addiction started may seventh 2020.

the addiction picked up and went at a faster pace with more harmful substances. I thought my addictions would heal the pain. so I called some old friends I knew were into drugs. methamphetamine healed everything in my eyesight for a time but behind the scenes it was tearing me apart from the inside out.

hennery gave me everything I asked for. although, everything I wanted cost me everything I loved for a time. in the beginning it started with just cigarettes and pot then, that high no longer worked. I turned to methamphetamines to solve all my problems. it made me feel like I was invincible. I started stealing from my mom and grandparents and of course if could steal from them I could steal from anyone.

one day hennery and I couldn't find any drugs anywhere and he told me to get out there and use my body to get what he wanted, when I said no, he hit me. another time he chased me down the street with a knife after I stole his stash because he wasn't sharing. everything got so bad that my safety was in question so he bought me a gun. I set my gun on the table after loading it and he got mad, picked it up, and tried to shoot me, but for some reason it wouldn't shoot.

for two weeks, no one could find me. I was locked in a basement with heroin running though my IV'S. there was a guy I had been close with for a short time, everyone called him tapout. he bashed in door after door after door looking for me. I didn't know this until I was found but this started yet another addiction. heroin is a million times different depending on if your doing it by choice or if its forced on you. its two completely different types of experiences. two different highs.