Five Minutes of Heaven With You

1

As I lay in the bed, head cradled on Cordelia's chest, my mind begins to race. Ever since she became supreme, it seems that a part of my brain woke up. I was never one to dwell on death, or even be afraid of it for that matter. Yet, now that I have something—someone—to lose... I think I understand how others feel.

Delia is—well she's my home. I've never known love to be so pure as it is when I'm with her. I listen to her heartbeat, the score of all my days. I smile to myself, despite my thoughts, because in this moment I'm with her—and that's all that matters. "What's up, little dove?" she asks softly and I tilt my head to gaze into her eyes.

The eyes that light up whenever they land on me. The endless sea of love and tender devotion; a sight I may never feel worthy enough to view so casually. "Hmm" I hum curiously, "your thoughts... they're too fast to decipher" she smiles confusedly. "Oh... I'm thinking a lot I guess" I voice, "would you like to share?" she inquires and I sigh.

I've thought a lot about this—death—and not once have I brought it up to her. I can still remember vividly, the night she broke down in my arms. The moment she realized that one day she would fade away. My attempts to reassure her went unheard. The life of her mother being proof that it would not come soon, that a person as pure as my Delia would live even longer.

She mentioned her mother killed to stay alive but—we both know—you can't cheat death. She's not an easy one to bargain with, I would argue even harder than making a decent deal with Papa Legba. The way her body shook in my arms... I was afraid. Until she finally exhausted herself and feel asleep. Since that day, we've never talked about it as I assume it's painful for her.

"It's nothing worth sharing" I mumble, "I'd like to hear it... I'm not sure what it is but I sense it's important to you" she replies and I close my eyes. "I was thinking about death" I utter honestly and I feel her grip loosen on my hips, "w-why would you be thinking of that?" she questions softly after a moment and I shrug my shoulders.

"I just... I wonder" I mumble, "wonder what?" she asks and I can hear her get a bit defensive. I lift up so I can really see her, placing my hand on her cheek. I can tell this scares her but I've still not figured out why, though I have a theory. "What do you think happens?" I ask and see something shift in her eyes before she looks away.

"Jasmine..." she mumbles, "just humor me. Please" I beg and she sighs deeply. "I don't know" she mutters but I can tell there's a lack of sincerity in her voice. "Well... you asked about my thoughts. Would you like to know what I think?" I propose and her gaze slowly shifts back to mine. "Why are you so stuck on this?" she asks firmly, "why are you avoiding it?" I counter with a soft voice.

Her grip tightens on my hips once more and she bites her lip softly. "Fine. Tell me" she says reluctantly and I push hair behind her ear. I trace her jawline and her eyes flutter closed, her heart rate slowing down. "I think—I think when we die... our souls are freed. And they float up beyond the sky, beyond the atmosphere... the stars..." I mumble, coming to a momentary stop as her eyes meet mine.

It's like the whole universes is encapsulated within them. As if she's a piece of a star, sent down just for me. "And we join those departed in the cosmos. Some as stars, some as... planets. But some of us—some of us return to what I believe was always our natural forms. The special ones..." I whisper, smiling softly as I trace her nose.

"Well, they create universes. A purpose in life and in death. They feed those after, molding and building a whole new system. All of their experiences, their memories... expanded to create even more life. I think it's their astral body following them; spread out to the atoms, that create stars big and small" I continue and see tears come to her pretty eyes.

I wipe them as they fall and smile, although it hurts. I know this is a fairytale and I'm guessing so does she. "And you and me... well—I like to think that I'll be lucky enough to exist in your universe. Maybe I'll be a star, that way I get to be closer to your essence. I could also be a person or an animal... and hopefully I'll know it's you watching over me" I conclude.

I can see the pain in her eyes, the sadness she tries to cover with her smile. I know now that she knows and based on the way she gazes at me, she knows I know too. "I don't wanna lose you" she whispers shakily, "me either, my love. And yet, the day will come when I have to leave you... and I want you to be prepared" I state.

She shakes her head defiantly as tears rapidly fall from her eyes. "H-how am I supposed to 'prepare' for something like that? I won't. You will not go before me" she claims and I just sigh as I wipe her tears. "We've been down this road before. You're the most powerful witch on earth—but even you can't cheat death" I remind her and her bottom lip trembles.

"You're not supposed to go first" she whispers, "baby... it's not my death I need you to be ready for" I smile sadly. She furrows her eyebrows in confusion and I push the remaining hair out her face. I lean down and place a kiss on her forehead. "It's yours" I whisper, a barely audible confession as a tear falls from my own eyes.