Girl Crush | Alex Alvarez

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑: 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐀 𝐉𝐎𝐊𝐄

"Alex is dead to me!"

"Wow, you're loud," Elena winced as touched her ear. I collapsed on the couch and screamed into the pillow as hard as I could. "Tell your motherfucking brother that if he tries to talk to me again, I'm gonna shove a twig up his ass."

"What happened?" Syd asked softly as they patted my shoulder. I loved Syd so much—they were the best girlfriend Elena had ever had. They were also the only girlfriend Elena had ever had, but we didn't look too deep into that. "He just posted something insensitive on his Finsta—I unfollowed him after that."

"Now might be the worst time to tell you that Mami knows about Finsta."

"Karma is a bitch and she is Penelope Alvarez." I turned around with a smile. Syd sighed deeply. "I just hope she doesn't see how racy Elena cosplaying Wynonna Earp is."

"Yeah, I'll pray to God that she doesn't fall for your drag chinchilla." I snorted. At least there was something that made me laugh today. Alex was supposed to be my best friend—he lied to me about going out with Chloe like I was supposed to believe he was at the library. The next thing I knew, I opened my Finsta and the first thing I saw was Alex fucking groping Chloe—other than Vero making out with Lucas, but that was drama for another time. "I hope not—Edwina Willy Waggle can be quite the seductress."

"Oh, my God." I groaned into the couch as the door slammed shut. Schneider entered the house with a notebook and it was Elena and Syd's turn to groan. I don't know why they were so upset—he went through all the names with me so that he could tell them the ones that sounded woke and cool and whatever. "You might wanna sit down for these."

"Oh, goody."

"Syd's your Queer Dear," Schneider listed as I walked into the kitchen with a scowl. Syd and Elena were done with the names already. "No."

"Your Non-Bino-saur." Even I had to laugh at the pathetic mess that was. I grabbed a Tootsie-Roll from the kitchen as I seated myself next to Syd. "No!"

"Your Mighty Morphin' Power Ganger," Schneider said as he attempted a mic drop with his pen. "Eh, it's too '90s."

"That's your problem with it?" Elena and I asked her. The door opened as Penelope flung her keys into the bowl. "Hi Mami, how was your day?"

"Great—at lunchtime I got kinda bummed 'cause I wasn't super excited about my turkey sandwich. But then I had one of those mini Snickers—surprisingly satisfying. Oh, and Alex is a perv."

"Finalmente!"

"You knew?" Penelope asked incredulously. I shrugged unknowingly. "I don't what you know, but I know that he is the biggest perv to ever exist."

"We know too!" Elena and Syd added from the table. Lydia brought a plate of cookies out with a shocked look on her face. "Que? What are you talking about?"

"Check out his Finsta."

"How'd you get into it?" Elena asked everyone moved to look at the unfamiliar phone. "I took Scott's phone. I think it gave me HPV. Look at Alex's post."

"Oh, Alex!" Elena frowned as everyone gasped. "He's pretending his water bottle is his dingle. That kid is...a filthy monster."

"I can't believe my own brother has such disrespect for women."

"You never thought he had respect for anyone," I corrected and continued, "But he's my best friend, and I was the last person to even know that he was out with Chloe in the first place. I saw the best in him—not the misogynistic pig he's being as of right now. I can't believe he would disrespect us."

"And the planet! I mean, a plastic water bottle? He should be using a reusable dingle."

I squeezed Syd's shoulder comfortingly. "Not our topic of focus right now."

"This right here, this is that straight-up teenage boy garbage where they think everything stupid and gross is hilarious. It's not hilarious, it's sleazy and I refuse to be the mother of a sleaze.

"Well, I had a wonderful time at the museum," Alex smiled as he opened the door, "Exposing myself to art."

"I saw your Finsta."

"What? But Scott told me bro workers before—" A disbelieving Alex whose voice went up a pitch was interrupted by an angrier Penelope. "Nope!"

"Look, it's not a big deal. Everybody has one of those. Come on, Stel, help me out here."

"You should shut up if you know what's good for you," I sneered, taking a huge bite out of my cookie so that I wouldn't say everything that was forbidden by the Lord. "Does everybody post pictures of themselves running around like a goose and honking everything in sight?"

"What?"

"Honking boobs!" Penelope yelled at the boy. He deserved every bit of the punishment he was about to receive from his mother. I could never save him from something he needed to hear. "Alex, Alex, Alex, I mean tweaking tatas, fondling fun bags, grabbing gazungas...what? I'm sorry I lost my train of thought."

"Look, it's just dumb stuff that makes my friends laugh," Alex explained as he grabbed the phone from Penelope's hand, "And gets me 320 likes."

"Well, it's not cute, Alex," Penelope argued. It was the most expected Finn thing that he ever did—something that Alex out of everyone did. I expected this shit from anyone else but him. "Mami, it's just an inside joke that my friends get. Stella thought it was funny."

"Run to Cuba."