Girl Crush | Alex Alvarez

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄: 𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓 𝐌𝐄 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓

"Lydia, you're telling us that you told Alex to do everything feminist movements worldwide have been telling men not to?"

"Oh no, I just told him that every no is a yes in disguise," Lydia explained as I collapsed on the couch near Alex. He tried to look at me, but I avoided his gaze and kept my distance from him. Maybe he had changed in the two months I was gone—for the worse. "Oh, my God! Abuelita, you are an enabler of toxic masculinity."

"Oh please, I do not enable toxic men. I clean Papito's room twice a week."

"And you wonder why he has such prejudiced views about women," I interjected with a hand supporting my aching head. "It's how society has encouraged men to define their maleness as being aggressive, unemotional, sex-obsessed"

"You're just describing a man."

"Worst Charades round ever," I groaned. Penelope sighed. "Mami, maybe in your day, but times change—men need to be careful when they talk to women or else they'll get in trouble."

"Oh, poor men," Elena mocked, "Now I can't yell from a passing car that I think a woman has sweet tatas."

"I know, it's a shame. In my day, when I walked down the street, I would hear a symphony of compliments."

"You were being harassed!" Elena and I said in unison after realizing that Lydia didn't know what being harassed meant. "Oh yes, much more than all the other women."

"Mami, maybe you're comfortable with that type of attention, but not everyone is."

You know what, then they are crazy. Women want to be wooed—like your Tia Mimi..." Lydia shrugged as she took a seat on the edge of the couch. "Storytime already? Where ever did all the time go?"

Well, when she met your Tio Rico, she did not like him because he was feito. But Rico was not stopped by his unfortunate face—you see, he had a beautiful farm, and one night, he broke into Mimi's room and blindfolded her, and they went on a 'drive'."

"I hope you know the age rating of this story."

"Do I wanna hear the rest of this story?" Elena asked unsurely. Lydia disregarded her. "And the next thing Mimi knew, she was afraid and barefoot, standing in the middle of a sugarcane field."

"Oh, my God!"

"I know, bare feet. Pfft," Lydia shrugged again as she continued with her story, "Entonces, Rico took off her blindfold and she swooned! Because it was dark and it was working for him. And then Rico says, 'This can all be yours. Mimi, will you be mine? And ticky-tocky, they have been married ever since. That is romance."

"That is the plot of Taken 2."

"And ticky tocky," Elena clapped her hands disgruntled, "Seems to smooth over some really horrifying things."

"Okay, Alex. Here's the thing about women."

"Oh, boy." Penelope sighed as she awaited the terrible things Schneider was probably about say next and possibly ruin the mind of a fifteen-year-old boy indefinitely. "Women are beautiful—the curve of their neck, the way that they move, everything."

"Preach!" Syd yelled. I smiled at the girl's actions—at least someone knew how people wanted to be appreciated. I always thought Alex meant it when said I looked beautiful, but now I was really judging him. Maybe he didn't even consider me as his best friend like I did him. "That's why I'm an ally—no means no, yes means yes."

"But it's more complicated than that Schneider. It can't just be a yes, it has to be an enthusiastic yes." Elena explained. Syd screamed. "A hell yes!"

"Oh, I've never gotten one of those."

"We will show you," Elena replied as she and Syd stood up. I agreed with everything Elena said up until now except for what she and Syd were about to show. I really wished I hadn't asked them how my first kiss should be. That roleplay was the worst thing that ever happened to me. "Mom, can I please go to my room now?"

"No honey, I think it's important that you watch this." Penelope denied Alex's earnest request. Maybe his bad karma was finally biting his ass. "Really?"

"I don't think anyone should be watching this." I shook my head as everyone turned toward the young couple. "Syd, may I place my hand on your shoulder?"

"Yes! May I place my hand on your waist?"

Elena smiled. "Yes!"

"Oh boy, I can feel the heats." Lydia rolled her eyes as she fanned herself. "May I lovingly caress the slope of your cheek because it feels like home?"

"Come on," Pen interrupted as the act for real weird real fast, "Is this really what the kids do?"

"Yes!" Elena and Syd exclaimed as Alex and I denied it. "No one's ever done that."

"Be real, this is how your first kiss went?"

"Oh no, not at all. This one just went for it," Syd answered, pointing at an embarrassed Elena. "So you didn't know if you had their consent."

"We were just demonstrating the ideal."

Syd reminisced further. "I remember she pulled that Doctor Who scarf around my neck."

"Okay, Syd." Elena smiled nervously as Syd continued. "Kinda choked me actually."

"Okay."

"The cops had to break us up," Syd revealed. I raised my eyebrows, finding the entirely juicy details of their relationship hilarious. "Okay!"

"I gotta admit I'm getting kinda confused," Alex spoke after the whole ordeal with Doctor Elena Who and Syd. "Oh, my God, me too."

"I'm really starting to wonder whether this is going anywhere."