The Other Potter: Book 7

Careful what you wish for, cause I might just upload

“You know what?” I said to this death eater. (He was the one dragging me to Hoggies mate.) “I’m going to write a movie about a bee. And he’s going to fall in love with a human and he’s going to sue the human race. Just because I can. Aren’t I funny? Hahahaha.”

“Shut.” He said. “Up.”

“I think you’ll find I can’t do that because it’s ten to three in the morning and I was just tortured for ages and some of that torture included watching the fucking bee movie. Hahaha. Voldy likes it. He thinks the jokes are really unique. It’s the only muggle thing he respects. Hahaha.”

“Shut. Your. Mouth.”

“I can’t I honestly cannot. I am physically unable to shut my own mouth.”

“You just shut it while speakinh.” Your argument is invalid. Shut up.”

“Hahaha. You’re funny. But do you seriously want to argue with me on a topic like this. It’s only going to annoy you. Look at you. You’re getting annoyed. Hahaha. I love this.”

“First thing at Hogwarts is that you’re scheduled for torture.”

“I love torture. Hahahahaha. You should torture me a lot. Hahaha. Your boss just did for like two days nonstop. I haven’t slept this is fun. Hahaha. I love you. You’re my favourite death eater. You have pretty eyes. Our babies would be attractive. Hhahaha.”

“For God’s sake.”

“Can I go to sleep yet?”

“I wish.”

“Hahahaha, your jokes are funny. You should make a movie about fucking cows or wasps or something and use your jokes hahahaha. Oh wow, you’re Vanessa’s boyfriend who she dumps for a bee. Oh wow. Hahahaha.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t even know, but everything is just wonderful, ay? Hahahaha, it’s actually shit, but you know, I’ll take what I can get.”

He looked at me like I was a depressed freak, and I was like: “Yo, homie. I know it gets weird when I add some deep shit into my insanity, but yo gon’ have ta deal wif it.”

“I hate you.” He informed me.

“Nah, you love me.”

***

I ENDED UP INSIDE HOGWARTS AND I WAS SOMEWHERE WITH SNAPE, AND I WAS LIKE ‘YO’ AND HE WAS LIKE ‘WHERE THE FUCK IS POTTER’ AND I WAS LIKE ‘CAN I GO TO BED’ AND THEN HE WAS LIKE ‘OKAY’

SO I WENT TO BED

WELL

I WAS WALKED TO THE COMMON ROOM

BUT I APPARATED TO THE ROOM OF REQUIREMENT BECAUSE I WANTED A FUCKING BED

SAME DIFFERENCE OKAY!

Anyway!

I walk in the room of req., this is what I see, Neville and Ginny are staring at me, I got blood on my face and I aint afraid to show it. I’m going to stop this is getting out of hand.

ANYWAY!

Ginny was tending to some first year kid with cuts all over his arms – like the cruciatus curse, when the perpetrator decided for some physical wounds – but she looked up at me when the portrait hole opened. Neville, who was teaching some other kid healing spells, also looked up. The pair of them took a moment to recognize me.

I’m assuming that’s because I’m covered in blood, dirt, tears, sweat, cuts, scratches, and the fact that I was wearing a mask.

Just kidding I wasn’t wearing a mask.

Anyway, I expected a dramatic reunion of hugs and love and I wanted someone to make me a cup of coffee, or a hot chocolate, or someone to give me a bed. Instead, I ended up with quite a few wands shoved in my face.

“What were the first words that you ever said to me?” Ginny asked, looking at me down at me.

“Oh, umm. How am I actually meant to remember that?”

“If you really were Willow, you’d know.”

“Well, I’m assuming I said ‘Hi’ – wait no, I’d have wanted to be more chill than that, I would have said ‘Hey’ Yeah. I’ll go for ‘Hey’ and then I probably said your name: so like; Hey Ginny. You know, to make me sound more familiar or some shit. And then I probably – HOLY SHIT WE WERE INSIDE FLORISH AND BLOTS AND THERE WAS LOCKHART AND I ASKED IF YOU WERE EXCITED FOR HOGWARTS!” I then started laughing and crying at the same time and sat down.

Shit happens.

“I didn’t even remember that.” Ginny said shrugging. “But you sound and look kinda insane, and there’s only one person who can do that.”

They all lowered their wands.

“Wait, where’s Harry and Ron and Hermione?” Neville asked. “You were with them, weren’t you?”

“I don’t know.” I answered, and I used a first year’s robe as a tissue. “The last thing I remember is that I was at The Burrow and it was just after Harry’s birthday, and then a couple of days ago, I woke up on a random street. And then next thing I knew, Voldy-mouldy-wart was torturing me about the whereabouts of Harry and that, and I am going to assume that whatever happened, my memory was wiped.”

They all stood silently, processing my combination of words into sense, before a fifth year, who I knew as ‘Geoffrey’ for some reason said: “Your memory was wiped?”

“I’m going to assume so. Dumbledore last year, wiped some memories of mine, but locked them away so I can access them. He also left me this box –“I pulled out the unopenable box and threw it at Ginny’s face. “- which I’m also assuming contains my memories from the last few months. I’m going to assume that I figured out how to open it – which gave me a memory on how to recall memories – which in turn led to me putting the memories into the box, which I need to refigure out how to open it so I can regain the memories.” I spoke quickly and confused myself.

“But why wipe the memories in the first place?”

“So I didn’t tell the Death Eaters or Vol-“

“Don’t say his name they have a tracker thing on it.” Neville added.

“desfnhregb any information regarding Harry or anything else that may be important.”

“But why didn’t you keep like, I don’t know, a note saying how to open it?”

“I possibly did. Which means it is somewhere on my person. Or I didn’t incase the code was broken by the bad folks. Or I locked it in the box with my cleverness.”

“I don’t even know what you’re saying anymore.” Ginny said.

“Can I sleep, and eat and pee. I haven’t done any of those since I god-knows-when. Night.”

And I curled up on the floor and slept.