The Other Potter: Book 7

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Although I tried to maintain my sassy, carefree attitude, it was clear that I was still deeply fucked up. Everyone seemed to take note of this, but thankfully, treated me as they would any other day. I happily attended detentions, and refused to torture little kids, and in turn was beaten up. Seriously, some fourth year Hufflepuff shit head punched me in the face. They gave me a nasty fucking cut under my eye, and Alecto slut-face cursed it, so it would have to heal like a muggle wound.

Nasty, nasty bitch.

Anyway, mercifully, the Christmas holidays were upon us. We’d packed, and were ready to leave. Everyone was going home. And I mean everyone. Not a soul was staying home for Christmas. A bunch of the teachers were going home too, and they lived at Hogwarts.

Yeah, what can I say? Hogwarts sucks, then you die.

Mind you, if you look at it closely, Hogwarts has always been a big risk.

Like, that time Dumbledore had a THREE HEADED MANIACAL DOG and was hiding a stone that LORD VOLDEMORT WAS AFTER, WITHIN THE SCHOOL GROUNDS!  And then there was twice when the chamber of secrets opened and there was A GIANT SNAKE KILLING AND PETRIFYING PEOPLE. Let’s also not forget the constant presence of the forbidden forest which contains GIANT FUCKING SPIDERS AND CENTAURS THAT WANT TO KILL PEOPLE also, there was that time when Hagrid KEPT A FUCKING GIANT IN THERE!

There is also the secret entrances to the school where MASS FUCKING MURDERERS CAN BREAK INTO AT ANY GIVEN TIME and also the WHOMPING MOTHER-FUCKING WILLOW WHICH NEARLY FUCKING KILLS ANY BITCH WHO GOES TOO CLOSE TO IT. Let us not forget that time we had the Tri-wizard tournament, where THERE WAS A FUCKING DRAGON and WE THREW PEOPLE UNDERWATER and where we THREW THEM INTO A MAZE WITH FUCKING EVIL CREATURES.

 I’m going to stop now, because I’ve just become aware of how fucked up this school has always been. Seriously, who would send their kids here...

“Willow, come on, quick, the carriages are here.” Ginny shouted. We grabbed our trunks and threw them into the back of a carriage, and helped some first years into them. We helped as many people as we could before Luna, Ginny, Neville and I jumped in our own and escaped the god forsaken place.

We hopped on the train and were like: “Oh shit we’ve lost our luggage.”

We hoped it would turn up at the other end.

“Oh shit. Where the fuck is Soxy.” I said loudly. “I’ve forgotten I’ve had a cat. Shit.”

“Don’t worry, the Wincesters left their brother in hell. They forgot about him too.” Luna informed me, before wandering off to a carriage.

“I don’t know what she’s talking about. Do you know what she’s talking about?”

“Wow, you’re not up to date on your TV shows are you?” Ginny rolled her eyes at me and stalked off after Luna.

“Neville help me. I’m confused.”

“Well, while you’ve been outside Hogwarts, and tortured and stuff, we’ve been watching TV marathons in the Room of Requirement.” He shrugged and we followed the other two to the compartment.

“TV marathons?” I said, raising my eyebrows.

“Well, we can sit around moping about how everything sucks, or we can watch muggle TV shows and try to forget it all for a while.” He shrugged again. “It’s a pretty good alternative, actually.”

“Except we disapprove of Supernatural’s portrayal of witchcraft.” Ginny said smugly, as I sat down.

“It’s not bad if you consider that they don’t know about witches and wizards at all.” Luna added as the train pulled out of the station.