Where are you?
Who? I don't know...
At times like this, when I'm sitting in my room at night and just crying, I don't know what to do. I realize that there is no one who really is there for me when I don't feel good. It's not even fully their fault, it's mine.
Every day I'm in company but I still feel lonely. I feel like I'm only with these people because that's how it's always been. I don't feel the way I felt before, because now I feel empty and the talks feel suffocating. Is it me who changed? Probably
Because now I want to disagree with almost everything they say, I want to scream in their face: "Shut the fuck up" and leave, sit alone- it would feel better. But I dont, instead I stay sit, quiet and without any objections. They wouldn't want to hurt me, I know and I appreciate that.
It has been way too long since I told my 'best friend' about all the things that bother me or make me happy. Because instead I feel like she doesn't care. In return I also grow kind of cold. I realize, but dont have the desire to change. I talk to nobody, I endure.
"Dont be pathetic, youre so pick me, such an attention seeker"
I'm not like that- I'm a strong girl, but nobody knows about that.
How much longer will it last till I find someone who I can open up to? Will I be able to open up to anyone in my life? Or do I need to continue going through all these emotions repeatedly all over again? I dont want to, but I don't want to change anything either.
I'm okay alone, really...
YOU ARE READING
A note to me
PoetryThis is not a story, this is a place where I want to write down all my feelings and doubts so that I can move on. I dont want to impress anyone by this book, its for myself and I hope I can come back to this whenever I need.
