I Spent the Night with Hawks (READERxHAWKS)

When it Rains, it Pours

This dingy warehouse is the last place I want to be, especially after a fight with a Nomu that wasn't supposed to happen until tomorrow! Endeavors hurt, my cities wrecked and I have to pretend to care about the interests of villains I want behind bars. Even in the middle of all this, my thoughts find their way back to her. there's an intense ache in my chest that won't leave, all I want is to crawl back to her and beg for forgiveness. explain everything and hold her tight. but if I did then she'd be in danger, and so would everyone else. I can't let her get hurt because of me!

"Everything I do is in the name of advancing the league, got it"

"Sure, just like your little hook-up last night was for the league, right? maybe I should see what she knows?"

Dabi's raspy voice echoes in the near-empty space. I should have been shocked that he was following and spying on me. the irony of spying on a spy isn't lost on me. I've never been so scared that ill fuck up before. never really cared about anything before. I need to convince him that she's nothing to me, just another in a long stream of women.

"Who?"

if I pretend I don't know who he's talking about then maybe he'll bye that I don't care about her.

"the girl you were confessing to last night,"

he smirked and his hands pushed into his pockets now that I wasn't threatening him with my featherblade.

"don't tell me the great number 2 hero just said whatever it took to get in her pants? "

he walked past me his coattails flapping around his ankles. I've never wanted to stab someone as much as I want to now!

"How heroic, can't let you see the boss yet. I'll be in touch. partner."

his boots echo on the walls as he leaves, I don't look behind me while he goes and a part of me hopes hell do me the favor of ending me.

he's right.

some hero, doing all the commission's dirty work. dirtying my hands and feathers. hoping I can somehow make a world where heroes have time on their hands.

some hero, leaving what is arguably the best thing to happen to me in my life, alone in a hotel room. I told her I loved her, she gave me everything and I threw it in her face. I left her and there's no excuse that I could give that will make this right.

~

Sora and I got dressed up and headed out that very night. I wasn't up to being around people but I hoped he would be there. plenty of guys came up to Sora asking for her number, to buy her drinks, to dance, or boldly asking her to go home with her.

my expression and air of lonely despair kept people at arm's length which I was grateful for. I was also grateful that despite her many offers, Sora stuck with me and never left unlike the night before. we stayed till closing.

he never showed.

Any hope I had died then. the world lost color, it turned flat, grey, and empty. sleeping I dreamed of a life with him. waking up he was gone all over again. I stayed in bed in my tiny apartment too tired and hurt to get up and do much of anything. My curtains were pulled over the windows my phone and lights were off.  I relived every moment I spent with him, every word he spoke to me, every touch we shared.

How did anyone go on with this gaping hole in their chest? I'd been deceived by warm wonderful words. I believed all his lies and lines but knowing they were lies didn't change how I felt toward him. I was so angry at him but that anger quickly turned inward. it's my fault! I fell for it all and I knew he was a playboy. I knew perfectly well his reputation and still I slept with him.