Hope Believe Magic

Pillars

AK walked out of the doctor's office. He was heartbroken. He knew that he had to be strong for her but he felt vulnerable. He did not feel strong. He wanted to hug her and cry but he could not do any of that, not here, not now. Just when he was trying to get a grip of himself, the nurse came out announcing that Shivu was in the recovery room and he could go visit her now. He whispered a thank you to the nurse and walked in the direction pointed. The hall way seemed to be caving in on him. It was room number 205. It seemed like the longest walk of his life but it was only 4 doors away. He kept telling himself to stay strong. You see, that's what has been fed to us for generations. A man has to be strong at all times. A man cannot cry. A boy would be teased for crying and would be called a girl for doing so, as though, being a girl is an insult. AK was not like that though. Shivu had seen him hit rock bottom so this wasn't about the gender. It was about love, understanding and being compassionate.

He took a deep breath and stood outside the door, looking at the floor. He was not ready to look at her eyes yet. He could fake all he wants. He was an actor but his eyes could never lie to her and she could see right through. His entire body shook when he heard her muffled voice, "Yen angeye nikkareenga ulla vaanga. En pakkathula vaanga." AK's heart was pounding. He was wondering if she was under the influence of anesthesia. Was she not aware of what had just happened? Why is she sounding calm? Was he not expecting her to break down at the sight of him? This was getting tougher than he thought. He exhaled and then looked up at her. She smiled feebly and extended her arm asking him to come over to her.

He walked towards the bed, grabbed the stool nearby, sat on it and held her hand. He still was not able to look her in her eyes but what she said shook him at that moment. She gently said, "AK Neenga varutha padaatheenga. They are our babies. They are fighters. Seekirama ve namma avangala veetukku kooteendu povom." The moment he heard those words, he held her hands and started weeping still holding on to her right hand. She slowly ran her fingers on his hair with her left hand and said, "AK you don't have to always stay strong for me. You cannot always be the pillar. It is ok. Let it out and then let's start our new phase. Both of us need to stay strong for them now. It is not about us anymore." AK's hands were trembling and, while whimpering, through his tears, he kissed her hand.

After a few minutes, he started to calm down. He looked up at her eyes and he saw something different. He saw the strength of a mother. He saw the determination of a mother and at that moment he knew they were going to do everything possible for their babies. The anesthesia was still in her system and she was dozing on and off. AK's phone buzzed indicating a call from Pugazh, another rock in their life, he was at the reception waiting for him. AK slowly stood up and kissed her forehead saying, "Nee rest edu maa. Pugazh vandhirukkan. Naan poi avana paakaren. Appidiye kozhandainga pathi update kekkare. I will be back soon ok?" Then he kissed her cheek. She nodded and weakly said, "Neenga thirundhave maateenga la?" and he quickly pecked her lips. He turned around and walked out of the room and Shivu turned the other way to let her tears finally flow. She had held them in for a long time. She mumbled, "AK Naanum actress thaan. Enakkum nallave nadikka theriyum."

Brinda Subramanian