Hope Believe Magic

Welcome and Farewell

36 weeks- 8 weeks since the birth of the twins. Every day had been a blessing. The babies were still in NICU. Shivu had been long discharged. She had not had the time to rest after a c-section. Thankfully, they had a lot of beautiful souls in their lives who knew when to pitch in and what role to take. Shivu's parents and AK's parents took turn managing the house. Pugazh, Prakash and Monisha took turns staying in the hospital when AK and Shivu needed a break. AK insisted that Shivu rest well but she reminded him that this was not his battle, it was theirs.

Ananya and Surya were fighters for sure. Yes, they had named the babies and they addressed them that way. Every day was a victory and a fight. If the babies progressed one step then on the third day there would be a dip. AK and Shivu would stand outside the NICU and through the glass doors, talk to their babies. They would pray for them and tell them to hang in their and how much Appa and Amma love them and, somehow, miraculously, the babies would improve. AK and Shivu were in the waiting room when they heard the nurse call for them. Their heart skipped a beat because they did not know if this was going to be good news or bad. Nonetheless, the quickly walked up to her. She smiled at them and said, "Ungala pediatrician Dr. Anbazhagan avaroda office ku koopadraar. Vaanga." AK and Shivu looked at each other. He smiled at her weakly and whispered, "Ellam nalladha thaan irukkum." He held up his hand for hers and said, "Vaa poi paakalaam." With their fingers entwined tightly, the couple followed the nurse to the Dr.'s chamber.

Dr. Anbazhagan's office was bright and colorful with lots of cartoon characters painted on the wall. They sat in the waiting area where the nurse left them saying, "Dr. Ungala koopduvaanga" and she left. They must have waited for about 5 minutes but it seemed like hours. Their fingers were still entwined and they could feel their palms sweating. Just then they heard the chirpy voice of Dr. Anbazhagan, "Hello Mr. and Mrs. Aravind Krishnan." They stood up together and AK said, "Neenga AK ne sollalaam." The Doctor laughed, "Ok AK that makes it easier actually. Vaanga please come to inside and take a seat." Shivu couldn't wait any longer. She said, "Enna vishayam Doctor. Seekiram sollunga. Enakku heart e vedichudum pola irukku." Doctor too a slight breath and his face turned serious, "I have good news and bad news for you. I know Neenga neraya bad new kettachu so let me start with the good news. Unga daughter is breathing on her own. No more life support needed for her. She has also reached a reasonable weight so I have a surprise for you." He pressed the intercom and said, "Nurse, andha baby ya eduthuttu vaanga." Shivu and AK's hearts were pounding. They had, all these days, seen their babies only from outside the glass doors. They could not believe that they were finally going to meet her. This was overwhelming. Tears welled up on Shivu's eyes and she was rubbing it off. She wanted to see her daughter and her tears were blinding her vision. Just then the door opened and the nurse came in pushing a little bassinet. AK and Shivu stood up to finally get a glimpse of their beautiful daughter. Wrapped tightly in a lovely pink blanket, she was fast asleep. AK and Shivu just stood their with happy tears, holding on to each other and that's when Dr. Anbazhagan said, "Don't you want to hold her?" The nurse gently picked up the baby from the bassinet and handed her to Shivu. Shivu's hands were trembling. She sat back down and held her baby girl. She was laughing and crying at the sane time. Then she looked up at AK, who was equally emotional, and said, "namba kozhandhai namba kitta vandhutta." AK could not stop the tears either. Shivu gently placed a kiss on the baby's forehead and then looked at AK with a chuckle, "inge paarunga unga ponnu ungala madiriye pannara." He looked and smiled. Just like him, Ananya was biting her lower lip with her upper lip." Dr. Anbazhagan cleared his throat to get their attention, "Although she has started breathing on her own she will have to stay at the hospital for 4 more weeks to complete the 40 weeks. Aparam Neenga kootittu polaam but you can spend more time with her now. You can start bonding with her. Ippo nurse will have to take her back because unga paiyana pathi pesanum." He then gestured the nurse to take the baby from Shivu but not before AK got to hold his baby for a couple of minutes as well.

Once the nurse left, the doctor said, "you son though is struggling. He has a hole in his heart. He is too small to be operated on. India la ippodhaiku ivvalo chinna kozhandhaikku heart operation pannara alavukku facilities illai. USA Illaina Europe kooteendu poganum but since his lungs are not growing we cannot even transport. I am sorry to say that he might not make it through the night. He has already had a cardiac arrest and we have revived him. I wanted tell you that you might want to say your good bye to him. I will leave you two alone for a few minutes." He walked out of the room.

AK and Shivu were shocked. Although this wasn't a surprise, they were still holding on to the hope. They just sat there without saying a word to each other. There was an eerie silence. Tears were pouring down their eyes but they did not say a word to each other. Finally, AK squeezed her hand. After a slight whimper she said, "Paavam avan. Romba kashta padaraan le. It is ok. Let's give him our permission to go. Let his sufferings end." She quickly walked out with AK following right behind her. She wiped her tears and they held their hand. She looked at him through the glass doors and said, "Surya relax da chellam. Nee patta kashtam ellam podhum. You will remain with us forever. You will always be our son. Your spirit will remain with us. Poitu vaa da chellam. Appa, Amma and Ananya akka will always love you." Shivu held on to AK while he wrapped his arm around her looking at their son and his final words to his son was, "You are a warrior champ. We love you."

That night baby Surya had another cardiac arrest and took his last breath.

Brinda Subramanian