Today marks that it has been a month since we broke up.
I'm moving forward, slowly but surely. Still getting used to a life without you.
It's been boring, and at times I wonder if you're going through the same thing as I am. Like,
"Is he moving on?"
"Is he mentally okay?"
"Did he fall back into his old habits?"
"Did he cry?"
"What'd he tell his friends?"
And most importantly, "how does he really feel?"
You kept way too many secrets for me, far more than I would've liked. Despite the fact that you were the one that told me, "No secrets between us," you ended up keeping more secrets from me, apparently in the name of love.
I remember the last time we held genuine eye contact, a look that was filled with emotion. It was in the train, during a time when we parted ways. You were going to a competition while I was going back home. The look in your eyes told me way more than your words ever could.
I've known you for only a year, but I know so much about you, from your body language to the unspoken words of emotion in your eyes. But at times, you're.. unreadable, even for me.
To be honest, you were rarely truthful about your feelings. You liked to avoid talking about it as long as you can.
I didn't like it. It felt like you didn't trust me with your feelings, something that made you.. you.
And recently, I don't know if it's just me, but I felt like you were sneaking glances at me. I don't want to admit it, but occasionally I do too. Maybe it's because it's hard to ignore someone that's played a huge part in your life for so long.
It drives me crazy.
The question of what-ifs.
Nevertheless,
I appreciate you and all that you've done for me, even though our relationship eventually met its own demise.
I sincerely apologize for things I've said or done that might've hurt you. I didn't mean for it to happen. Maybe at times I just don't know how to communicate properly.
Anyways,
happy one month. Had we broken up 2 days later, it would've been the one year anniversary of us knowing each other and I would've been more heartbroken than I already was.
here's to us, for closing the curtains on this theatrical play of "love".
here's to us, for having the most cliché romance story trope ever.
-K.X
26.10.23
