Sweet Girl

Nothing Here To Fear

Lindsey poured a mountain of shredded cheese into the roux. Christine's cooking expertise was starting to rub off on him, after the week he'd spent with her before Bella came into their lives. Reminding himself not to forget the secret ingredient to Christine's mac and cheese, nutmeg, he beamed as Stevie glowed, watching Bella sitting next to her at the dining table, scribbling on a colouring book with a fistful of crayons. Her tongue poked out of the side of her mouth, while she concentrated, her left hand steadied the pages in front of her as she shook the crayons back and forth.

Stevie replayed the scene of the little girl handing her and Lindsey lollipops, a few hours back. She rewound the moment over and over, her cheeks beginning to tingle from her titanium smile she'd held since.

"That's beautiful, sweetie," she said softly, emerging from her seat. Bella's head shot up and followed Stevie as she walked away from the table. Her stomach somersaulted round and round as she kept her eyes fixed on Stevie walking around the kitchen. She placed her hands on Lindsey's shoulders and kissed his cheek before gliding over to the cupboard and stretching to her tip-toes to reach the cups.

Bella hadn't seen Lindsey wearing his glasses yet, she admired them, wondering what they were, why these slices of glass sat on his nose. She had seen Maxine, her previous foster carer, wearing a similar contraption. She found herself wanting to pull them off of her face and try them on but was snagged by her fear of being swatted if she'd done something to upset an adult.

Stevie sailed back to the table and placed a pink cup in front of her. The sealed cup was painted with Disney princesses and had a silicone spout sticking out of the lid.

"Water for Bella" Stevie pointed to the cup as she turned to come and sit down, anticipating that this would take some coaxing. To her surprise, Bella reached forward and immediately quenched her thirst.
"Good girl" she smiled, placing a hand on Bella's head. She didn't seem to mind when Stevie showed her affection, and Stevie was right to assume that Bella was comfortable with it, having witnessed her recoiling from anything that made her anxious.

After keeping her busy while Lindsey cooked dinner, the pot of pasta was set in the middle of the dining table. Bella felt her stomach gurgle. She always hated the feeling of her stomach churning, she didn't understand what it meant, she only knew it scared her that there might be a tiny gremlin inside her, growling at her.

Bella quickly noticed the hulking pot in front of her, curious to explore it. She reached forward.

"Don't touch it!" Lindsey instinctively barked.
"It's hot." His voice quietened when he noticed Bella shrink down in her seat.
Stevie looked up at him, anticipation swimming in her eyes.
"I'm sorry, honey." He rushed over to Bella and knelt down to her.
"I got scared because that pot is very hot! And if you touch it, you could hurt yourself. I'm sorry I scared you, sweetie" He felt the gaping mouth of his guilt swallowing him whole as Bella restrained her tears from tumbling down her cheeks.
"I didn't mean to shout." He sighed, trying to meet her eyes.
Bella stared down at the edge of the table, feeling the impending eruption of tears soon to explode from her eyes. She hoped that she could contain them, that neither Lindsey or Stevie could see her face swelling in fear.
He wanted to place his hand on her back, or do something to comfort her, but his stomach told him that touching her would escalate this into a meltdown. So, he awkwardly sat, knelt over his feet, hoping that Bella would miraculously see him as the loving, paternal figure he wanted to be.
Stevie didn't move. She was mostly curious to see how Bella would soothe herself... if she did.

"Can you give me a smile?" Lindsey pandered, feeling suffocated by the shame.

Bella sat still, staring at the edge of the table, trying to focus on the ridges in the wood, the way the indents opened wide and then slanted back together. Maybe if she watched it long enough, her tears would evaporate. And everyone could forget that Lindsey scolded her.