Love the Real Me?

Nighmares and Daydreams

TW: Thoughts of transphobia, self-harm, and self hatred.

That night, Harry bearly slept. He kept tossing and turning, his head filled with those horrible thoughts again. The thoughts that made him hurt himself, the thoughts that flood his head constantly. Most of the time he was able to push the thoughts from the front of his head, but at night or when he was by himself the voices screamed again. They came back full force and pulled at every minute insecurity he had.

Every good thought and emotion he felt while surrounded by the boys was wiped from his conscience. He felt like such a pain, a speck of unwanted dirt in everyone's lives. A freak, a strange monster that no one would want affecting their lives if his mask was removed. A stain on a perfect family. He should just give up, no one wants him here anyway.

Everyone loved Harriet, but everyone would hate Harry. Hell, Harry hated Harry. How could he ever be free, free to be himself when he couldn't even look himself in the mirror. He hated everything about himself.

Harry woke up currled in a ball in his blankets in a cold sweat. The rain startled him, he heard it whipping the house. He stumbled out of bed to his big window, his white sheets draped over his shoulders as he padded towards the slice of light. The sky was crying, and as Harry watched the rain fall, he realized it wasn't the only one.

Wiping his tears Harry wrapped the sheets tighter around himself and slowly opened his door. He walked across the hall to the bathroom. Locking the door Harry turned and grabbed the only thing that would make the voices stop, the only comfort in his life and his best friend. When sliver turned red there was peace for a minute. One two three four five, again and again line after line, neat rows that cured his sorrows.

All too soon it was over, he was cleaning his arms and wrapping them. He was awfully good at that considering his mother was a nurse. He was about to turn and leave when he caught reflection. Tired green eyes stared back at him, as if they were taunting his weakness.

Harry was pulled out of his own world by a knock at the door. Confused he cracked the bathroom door to see Louis standing there, shirtless. Harry probably would have drooled over that if he hadn't felt so terrible. "Hey, uhm sorry to bother you Harriet but uhm well I just was wondering if you were okay? I heard you wake up and just wanted to check on you."

Harry was touched, Louis cared about him. Probably because you're such an inconvenience! Harry shook his head shaking the voices away. "Yeah, uhm I just couldn't sleep, the rain is awfully loud tonight."

"Yeah, since you couldn't sleep Harriet, would you maybe wanna watch a movie with me on the couch? I know it's like midnight but still...?"

Harry was touched, he cared, the famous Louis Tomlinson cared about how he was doing! "Yeah, uhm, I'd love too."

And that's how the two of them ended up curled up together on the couch under Harry's sheets. Asleep together, a movie long forgotten playing on the TV as Harry was asleep and Louis was soon there. Louis didn't want to fall asleep, he was too occupied staring at the beautiful girl in his arms. God, she was like forbidden fruit, just looking at her now, Louis knew he needed to have her, to help her love herself the way she deserved. The last thought in his head before he also feel asleep was that Liam was definitely gonna kill him if he saw the two of them like this.

Heyyyy loves, so so sorry it's been so long since I updated this story, I've just been really busy and not super motivated recently. I'm going to try to get into a more frequent updating schedule. Thank you all for reading and stay safe, stay healthy and stay kind. Love you all!!💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚