Starting With You

44. The only thing wrong with me is you.

Teddy

The incessant beeping of my alarm invades the quiet room, and it takes me a few hazy moments to wake from the fog to determine the source of the noise. I silence it, falling back onto the bed with a groan.

I know without looking: Jensen is gone.

It's rare to wake up with him these days. He's out of bed long before me most mornings now, even on the weekends when there's no rush to start the day.

I miss waking up in a tangled mess with him, the light touches turning into heavy petting and ending with our sweaty bodies moving together with kisses and moans and intense pleasure.

I'd settle for any type of intimacy actually. He's been so distant lately. Distracted. Moodier than usual. I often find myself missing my boyfriend even when I'm sitting right next to him.

I know he's working through something. This is what he does. He pulls away from the world when something is bothering him. I vacillate between wanting to give him the space to figure it out on his own and forcing him to face the things he's hiding from.

It's been a few weeks since we ran into Caroline. I thought with time things would slowly sort themselves out, but Jensen has only sunk further and further into his darkening thoughts as the days pass. Things are getting worse, not better.

I drag myself out of bed, straightening Jensen's shirt over my body from where it got twisted during sleep, and pad through the apartment in search of my boyfriend.

He's sitting at the counter, hunched over a mug of coffee. Judging by the absence of steam, I'm guessing the liquid has gone cold by now. He's motionless, his body a rigid mass on the stool. I walk up behind him, gliding my hands over his shoulders and clock the way they tense under my touch.

"Morning." My voice is soft—tentative—as I wrap my arms around his middle, resting my chin on his shoulder. "Have trouble sleeping again?"

He swivels on the stool to face me, forcing me to take a step back, and he stands. Placing a quick kiss on my forehead, he takes his mug to the sink and then leans against the counter, peering just over my head.

Mindlessly scratching his stomach, he finally meets my eyes. "You aren't dressed."

I glance down at my bare legs, fidgeting with the hem of the shirt. "Oh, uh, I just woke up. Not quite used to needing the alarm anymore. I got spoiled with your brand of wakeup call, I guess."

I can feel my cheeks heat, so I duck my head, and then I curse myself. Since when am I shy around Jensen? It's his stupid moods. They're throwing me off, messing with my mind.

He breezes by me, completely ignoring my comment, and heads to the door. "I'm going to get an early start today. Meet for lunch?"

"Uh, yeah, lunch," I mumble just as the front door closes behind him.

-

"HEY, J, SHOULD WE ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS over who gets the leftovers for lunch?" I ask as I barge into Jensen's office.

The room is dark. Slivers of light from the partially open blinds cast shadow lines onto the floor and empty desk. I pull my phone out to check for messages and when I don't find any, I backtrack, the harsh sun causing me to squint as I quickly duck out of the office building and through the door leading up to Jensen's apartment.

The apartment is empty, too. Even Scout doesn't greet me at the door. I shoot off a quick text to my boyfriend as I run down the stairs and back into the office building. Passing by Jensen's office, I rap my knuckles against Rylie's door and enter without waiting for an invitation.