Show Me That Which I Cannot See

Pt VIII: Vessel

*****

I feel her fear as she looks at me with wide eyes trying to find the human in me. She whispers softly trying to calm me down. But the monster  sings. He wants to devour her, plant his sickness on her soul and maker her his victim. I want to fight back and tell her it's not me that's hurting her. It's not me watching her chest rise and fall rapidly as she fights my grip. But I don't. Because, maybe I'm more of the monster than I thought I was. What if it is me?

And what if I enjoy it.

*****

There is a reason why I choose to remain masked as often as possible.

The mask serves many purposes for me regardless if it's tangible or not. Though I am not originally from America and my identity is relatively anonymous in the states, protecting my ability to travel anonymously when I'm not Vessel gives me a sense of freedom and protection. Protection from the two halves of a man that are beneath. 

One is broken, cold, empty. The other is a vicious monster that feeds on obsession as fuel and slowly takes over what's left of me. It has been a long time since the monster has found a target. Not since her. I feel the monster's anger at the thought of her. She built me up only to tear me down when she grew tired. Out of fear of being alone and broken, the monster came and built me up, forcing me to sever my connection with the siren that calls me to sleep. But just like any bargain, I must pay the price for housing such a beast. 

For so long, I had waited to repay my end of the bargain, thinking it would never come. But now, I found myself hunting an angel. Elaha. The monster's latest obsession. I fight him every step of the way as I follow Elaha in silence to her home.

This isn't me. We're friends, I can't do this to her. Please, just choose anyone else. I try to reason with it, fighting my body as it stalks like a predator around her home. She was willing to use you for money. Your pitiful attempts at friendship disgust me just like it disgusted Sleep. Show me who you are or I will leave. Fuck, he's more in control than I thought. I feel the tension vibrating within me, ready to attack. But why? You wanted attention, take it. Or I will extract a bigger price and ask for her blood. No. No, I can't. I'm about to turn and leave her home when my phone rings.

The altered sense of reality I felt seems to ebb away faintly as I answer her call and I feel my pull towards the sound of her voice. "I-, Hi." She sounds nervous. Fuck. I couldn't help myself, she skipped the meeting and I needed to see her. It's not my fault I went after her like that. "Elaha? What's wrong." Get to the point, fool. It growls at me softly. 

"Nothing, just wanted to see if you got my text." Oh. I thought she was calling out of fear and the need for someone to be with her. I told you Vessel, she's here for her own selfish purpose. Maybe the monster wasn't wrong after all. I grip the phone tighter as ice forms in my veins. "I did" my response is colder and I move closer to where her outlets are. 

After a few moments she gives in, as I'm reaching towards her electricity with my gloves. What more does she want? It seems everyone who finds me just wants more and more. It's why I wear this mask, because underneath is a piece of flesh and an empty heart that's been rejected too many times... When she asks me to stay on the line, I don't process her plea of help fast enough, because the monster took control of my anger and I feel the blood rush into my veins. 

Shoving the phone in my pocket, I pull the cords and watch the lights in her home go out. The monster growls in agreement and edges me to the door. Fine. I'll take what's mine, myself. It was never any use being the hero, because it always ended in a Goodbye. I'll be the villain of her story. Let me taste her sweet flesh. 

I reach up and bang my hand against the door. Knowing she will run to it but I'm already walking towards the back of the home, stalking quietly in the shadows waiting for her distraction. So I can enter.

Slowly, I watch the door open and a concerned Elaha, wrapped in a dark green blanket, cautiously looks out the door. "Hello?" She calls. And the monster relishes as she shivers slightly against the cool air. Angel, just wait until I light you up with the fire burning within me. The fire you put in me. 

She looks around and steps further away from the house, her bare feet padding the semi frozen ground as her eyes catch on my black car. Just as planned. Her eyes widen and I take the moment of distraction to enter her home. It only takes her a few seconds to come running back inside as she shuts the door and locks it. Her cheeks are red from the cold and her breathing is heavy from fear as she turns and leans against the door.

I move forward slightly and she tenses and opens her eyes. She opens her mouth to scream and I move forward to cover her mouth. She backs further into the door and her scarf has moved back to expose a small line of dark black hair. Her eyes widen as she cranes her head to try and see me. But my monster has taught me well, I'm hidden well in the shadows and the black paint hides the rest. 

She screams in my hand and I let out a laugh. I reach up with my free hand to touch the fabric of her scarf but pause when she flinches and an empty look crosses her eyes for a moment. I growl in anger. At least the monster does, she's mine to hurt. Mine to enjoy and no one else's. Loosening my grip on her mouth and move it lower, I whisper in her ear while I fix the scarf. Selfishly I brush my hand over the sliver of soft hair while I cover it. "I don't want them to see what's mine." I expect her to scream now that my hand rests on her throat. 

What I don't expect is the fire in her eyes. She tries to wrestle away from me but I move closer and pin her to the door. "Now, Now Angel the more you fight the more he will want you." She looks at my shadow as she fights harder. "You're fucked in the head. Leave me alone I don't know who you are. Leave before I make you regret it." My hand finds its way under her scarf and I wrap my hands under the soft flesh of her neck, feeling her pulse fly beneath me. I feel her fear as she looks at me with wide eyes. But the monster sings, let me take her. He wants to devour her, plant his sickness on her soul and maker her his victim. 

I want to fight back and tell her it's not me that's hurting her. It's not me watching her chest rise and fall rapidly as she fights my grip. But I don't, my hands grip her neck tighter as she fights for air. Because, maybe I'm more of the monster than I thought I was. 

What if it is me? What if I am the monster and not her hero?

And what if she enjoys it.