⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ To live for the hope of it all ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚six˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

Ella's pov:

I was asleep, warm and comfortable until a cold hand touched my arm, pressing against my cuts from last night. "Ow" I mutter under my breath as I rub my eyes. "Sorry, are you okay?" Taylor said, shit I didn't mean for that to come out. "Yeah I'm fine, I must have bumped it yesterday and got a bruise, that's all" I tell her as I pull my hoodie over my hands. She gives me a I-dont-believe-you look while nodding. Taylor tells me the plans that she sent me in the message last night, reminding me to be ready for 3pm. "I'll start getting ready now" I tell her as I pull the covers up. "Sounds good, I'll do the same. Shout me if you need anything." She says before leaving and closing the door behind her.

I walk into my closet where my few clothes hung. I took a black miniskirt, some black bike shorts for underneath and a baby blue crew neck jumper. I put it on and sat at my vanity. I brushed through my hair with my old hair brush and then took my mascara out of my draw and began applying it. Taylor knocked while I was mid-applying, making me jump and smudge it. "Hiii" I shout. Taylor came through, "Do you have anything for me to wipe my eye?" I ask as she notices the smudges. She gives me a laugh and runs to grab some baby wipes. "Sorry" she laughs as I wipe my eye. I finish up my mascara and turn from facing my mirror to facing Taylor. She was wearing a orange jumper-dress with brown boots that went up to just below her knee. "Oh my god I love your outfit!" She tells me, I'm glad she does. "Would you be alright if we went out for a late lunch with everyone and then we come back and have the little party?" Taylor asked me, it sounded like so much fun, I just had to keep taking some deep breaths, I hate going out. "Yes! That sounds like so much fun." I tell her, "I just need some shoes" I say. She gets up and walks into the closet "Let me help you choose!" She says excitedly. She walks in and although I can't see her face, I can feel the it's-so-empty-in-here glance she gave the closet. She walks back in with my converse and passes them to me. "These ones, definitely!" She tells me "Tomorrow we can go out and get you some new clothes if you want to." I am so excited, I need new clothes and I love shopping, even though I haven't done it for the longest of times. "Yes please" I say as I put my shoes on as it was already 2:30. 

"I'm just going to go grab the last of my stuff and we are ready to go! The driver is ready downstairs for us to go." She tells me, I nod and grab my phone from my charger and head downstairs. Taylor meets me downstairs and hands me a black shoulder bag and sags, "I knew it would match your outfit perfectly! There's also a pair of sunglasses in there, the flashes can be very intense sometimes, especially if you aren't used to it" I nod, remembering coming out of the orphanage and almost being blinded. "Thank you so much." I tell her. I had never had people give me things out of generosity.

She reached her hand out for me to grab. I held her hand as she took me to the front door, gave me a comforting look and smile before opening the door and walking down to the car which was parked outside with the floods of people in the street. A security guard stood at the door of the car, holding it open. I climbed in first, followed by Taylor. The hunters with cell phones that lurched around the front of my new home screamed as we walked to the car. The shouts of desperate fans were still able to be heard after the door of the car closed. Me and Taylor fastened out seatbelts and the driver started to move the car, dodging people stood in the way. I took some deep breaths as I picked the skin around my fingers trying to calm down the panic of walking through that. Taylor takes one of my hands and holds it, stopping me from hurting myself. "Well done, I'm proud of you." She told me with a smile, still holding my hand. 

It was around 2:55 when we arrived to the restaurant. Taylor said that Selena was already there so we weren't the first ones there, making me feel better. "Are you ready to go in now?" The driver asked us. Taylor looked at me and I nodded. The driver got out of the car and squeezed through the people already crowd around. How do people find out so quick? The street was practically empty when we pulled up. The driver opened the door and I climbed out and thanked him as Taylor got out too. She took my hand and gave it a squeeze as we entered the restaurant. The people working were very nice and quickly took us up to our table which was hidden away upstairs, thankfully. 

Me and Taylor entered the room that the worker had led us to. She pointed us in and me and Taylor thanked her. Her name badge said 'Lacy'. Selena jumped from her seat. "Oh my gosh! Hi Ella, I'm Selena." She tells me excitedly as she puts her arms out for a hug. I hug her but only for a second because my arms were still so sore from last night. "Hi Selena, I'm so excited to meet you too! It was such a great idea to do this and meet everyone!" I say to her and she smiles at me. Selena sat back where she was, Taylor sits opposite to her and I sit next to Taylor.

Taylor and Selena began to talk and catch up as I sat and listened. My leg was bouncing as usual, I was so scared to meet the rest of the girls. What if they all hated me? I began to scratch at the skin on my wrists until it was sore and red. It was the closest I could get to cutting myself right now, it was going to have to do. Taylor and Selena's conversation was interrupted by 3 girls coming in and saying "Helloooooo!" It was the 3 members of HAIM. Selena stayed sat down but by Taylors touch on my shoulder, I guess I was expected to stand up a greet them. I said hello to them all and they gave me a group hug. Everyone I had met so far were so kind. The 3 of them sat on the same side as Selena and I was about to sit back down when 4 more girls came through the door. I said hello and gave them all a hug and a few of them even complemented my outfit. I went back to where I was sat and Olivia sat next to me with Gracie next to her. On the ends of the table sat Gigi on the end with Selena and Taylor and Phoebe sat on the other. I was in the middle of this huge huddle and I was so nervous, I felt like I was going to be sick. 

I practically blacked out as we all talked. We all laughed together and everything was so amazing. My leg continued to bounce, even when Taylor placed her hand onto my leg to try and calm me down. I messed with the end of my hair trying to ignore the urges to go to the bathroom and cut myself. I had a blade kept in my phone case for things like this, but I knew if I just disappeared people would be worried so I stayed. Not long after, the worker Lacy came and took our orders. I got the popcorn chicken, it was one of my favourite things ever and I was not in the mood to try anything different right now. I just got a water as my drink, hoping it would come quickly as I my mouth was so dry from being so nervous.

When everyones food arrived, we all tucked in straight away, everyone was so hungry. I made sure I wasn't the first, but not the last to finish eating as that's always really embarrassing. We all continued to talk and laugh. I tried to stay apart of people's conversations so that I didn't give into the urges screaming in my mind. I talked to Olivia, who was sat next to me. She was the closest to my age and she was so nice! She got my number and added it to her phone because she said that she wants to hang out with me again. I freaked out inside when she told me that. I could see Taylor occasionally glancing back over at me to make sure I was okay and making sure to include me into conversations if I was pulling out of others. I love Taylor so much.

Once everyone finished there food, Lacy came back and collected the plates and gave people refills on drinks. We all ordered desserts, I got a piece of red velvet cake after everyone convinced me to try it after they were all so shocked that I had never had it. It was so good, I'm so glad they made me get it.

We talked for a bit longer before paying and preparing to leave. We were taking 3 different cars back to mine and Taylors house, me, Selena and Taylor were all going in one car. We all left the restaurant together as our cars had already all parked outside. There was a huge crowd of crazy people screeching and calling people from the groups names. There was intense flashes coming from all directions, distracting me from walking into the car but I still made it without looking like an idiot. Selena, Taylor and me all clambered into the car, I took the window seat, Taylor sat next to me and Selena sat next to her. My leg was shaking again and Taylor had her hand on my leg while she talked to Selena, trying to comfort me without pulling too much attention. I looked out the window wondering why I was still so anxious and stressed after walking through the crowds. You would think the more you do it, the easier it would be, but I felt even more worried and like I had to be more perfect.

The car pulled up at the front door and the 3 of up sprinted inside as the street was surprisingly clear. We sat in the living room and waited for the others to arrive.

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.

What does everyone think of the story so far?

- I have 2 more chapters pre written and I hope you enjoy. :)