⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ To live for the hope of it all ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ten˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

Ella's pov:

Less than an hour had passed, me and Taylor had arrived home now. Taylor sat me down on the couch for a minute and went to get us both a drink. I sat looking at the floor, knowing that everything I had pushed out of the view of Taylor, the cover I kept over all of my struggles, was about to be ripped off. Taylor walked back into the living room, two glasses of water with ice in her hands. She places both down and takes a seat next to me. "Time to talk." Taylor says to me as she wrapped her arm around me and gave me a squeeze. I continued to stare down at the floor, trying to ignore the whole situation. "C'mon, please." Taylor begs, giving me another squeeze. How do I tell her everything? Where would I even start? 'Oh yeah I hurt myself like I've been doing practically everyday for like 4 years', absolutely not. "It's okay to tell me, I don't judge I promise." Taylor says to which I look at her in the eyes. "I'm fine, I'm just feeling a bit off today I guess." I tell her, hoping to convince her. "Mhm. Are you you sure?" Taylor asks me, clearly not following on with my lie, but I was not caving into telling her. "Tay I'm fine." I tell her to which she looks at me, questioning my lies. "Really! I'm fine." I tell her, sounding more agitated. I pulled myself from under her arm and went to stand up. I felt her hand grab my wrist, making me flinch back. "Ow for god's sake." I muttered under my breath while shaking my arm in the air. I then looked back at Taylor who was sat on the couch, looking at my other arm with worry in her eyes. "Is everything okay...?" I ask, confused on what she was looking at before I looked at my arm myself. My sleeve was now up my forearm, leaving scars, mostly fresh, on show. Shit. I pulled down my sleeve as I ran to my bathroom and locked the door behind me. Within seconds of it being locked, there was a knock at the door. "Ella, are you okay?" Taylor's voice asked from the other side of the door, to which I gave no reply, I just sat on the floor and cried with a blade in my hand. 

Taylors pov:

I could hear the sobs of Ella through the door, I knew she wasn't coming out any time soon. I sat on her bed on my phone, worried out of my mind. I had managed to quickly run into my room and grab the first aid kit from in my bathroom aswell, making sure I was prepared for when Ella came out. My hands were shaking, I couldn't help but feeling as though it was all my fault, as if in the few months we had been together I had failed her. I stared at the floor and pictured Ella standing before, her scars showing. They were so fresh, she had definitely done it before we had left or while we were out with Selena. I hate knowing that she feels as this is the only way to release her emotions. A small tear left my eye and I wiped it away quickly, Ella didn't need to see me cry, I needed to be strong for her. I stayed, sat on Ella's bed, my leg bouncing as I waited.

Ella's pov:

I spent around 15 minutes on the floor with tears streaming down my face and blood rushing from my arms. I felt completely numb. I managed to stand up and take myself over the sink where I stood a took a deep breath, before remembering, Taylor. I went to my door, ignoring the fact I still had blood pouring out of my arm. I unlocked the door and pulled it open, Taylor jumped up from my bed and came over and hugged me. I pulled myself quickly out of her arms, not wanting to get blood all over her. "I am so sorry." I said to Taylor, still tears coming out of my eyes. "You don't need to apologize for anything." She tells me before leading me to my bed and opening up the first aid kit that lay on it. She grabbed out some wipes while asking,  "Is it alright for me to clean and bandage up your arms?" To which I nod and stick one of my arms out for her to clean first. As she pulled the antiseptic wipes across my skin, she began talking to me. "How long have you been doing this?" She asks. "A while, around 4 years." I said quietly, ashamed. Taylor gave me a sad look as I tried to avoid eye contact with her. We sat in silence for a while, Taylor continued to examine, wipe and bandage both my arms. "Thank you for doing this Tay, you didn't have to. And I'm so sorry, just for everything." I say, breaking the silence. Taylor looks up from my arms. "You don't have to be sorry at all, I love you so much." She tells me, smiling at me. "You still love me? Really?" I ask, letting my thoughts run out of my mouth. Taylor's expression changed to a confused, keeping the soft look in her eyes. "Of course I do! I will always love you. Why would you think that just because you struggle I wouldn't love you?" She says to me, her eyes glistening with tears. I shrugged at her before she pulled me into a hug where the tears I had been holding back flowed out. Taylor rubbed my back softly and swayed us back and forth. "It's alright love, it's going to be okay." She whispered, "I'm going to be here with you every step of the way in recovery, I promise." I cried harder into her, knowing that I was not ready to recover. I didn't feel sick enough. I wasn't bad enough to recover. I didn't deserve to recover. Taylor kept her arms tight around me, lovingly embracing me, reminding me I wasn't as alone as I felt. Once I had calmed down, I pulled myself from Taylor's arms. Taylor picked up my arms again, continuing to clean and bandaging then.