Exploring Sorrow

Chapter One

"Everyone raise a glass, for it is Seraphim's seventeenth birthday!" My father's voice boomed over the chatter that filled the room not even a minute ago. I am the son of Queen Henrietta and King Samwise, the prince of Zozar. Zozar is a heavily conservative kingdom, which follows Christianity. When my ancestors converted from Zozar's native religion, Kuusol, they banned other religions. It's sad really, they even banned our ancient religion, Kuusol, which is now lost to the unforgiving land I stand upon. In fact, the only evidence Kuusol even exists is hieroglyphs and ancient writings in the museum and the history books that contain ancient rituals and information about the two deities Kuusolians follow. These deities are Arun, god of the sun and life, and Amaris, goddess of the moon and death.

I have a copy of the Kuusolzar, the sacred book of Kuusol, which I stole from the library, no one can know though if anybody found out I had a sacred book from another religion, I would be imprisoned.

Atticus, how I long for him, my boyfriend. He has a heart of gold, but to my unforgiving family, him being gay ruins all of that.

Here I am, at my seventeenth birthday party without my pretty boy, the boy who saved me, who ripped my heart from the black hole of grief and made it his, claimed me as his own. Without him here to calm me down, I'm mentally a circus act, walking on a tightrope, at risk of falling. If I fall, the tightrope snaps and so do I, it's tempting to jump off the tightrope just so I have an opportunity to remind my family that they betrayed me. They failed to do the one thing they signed up for when they decided to keep me, they failed to make me feel loved and accepted. If I manage to keep my balance on the tightrope, I'll fall back into a pit of despair, but my parents will be happy, and I'll keep my status as prince of Zozar.

Being born into a royal family is like being forced to sign up to the lottery of life, winning, but having somebody break into your bank account and robbing you of your victory, the money you earned. It's despair, heartbreak, and longing for more put of life, in fact, longing to have a life.

I wonder, will they still love me when I'm no longer young? Will they still love me when I'm king and make our kingdom a place of acceptance instead of a place where you're forced to live whilst feeling the pain of your rotting heart? The thing is that they won't.

Here I am, blowing out my candles as I hear the cheers of my future kingdom, my parents current science project. I continue to teeter on that tightrope, my legs threatening to buckle and ruin my future for me.

Every now and then my nightmares are replaced with dreams. Dreams where Atticus and I flee from the hell that is Zozar. Dreams where we are running through fields of fresh wildflowers, holding hands and laughing as we middle finger Zozar. But in the end, dreams are dreams for a reason. Dreams aren't meant to come true, but I still try manifesting a future that there's no hope in trying to achieve.