Moments in Time

built to fall

She doesn't leave her room for days after she miscarries. Ateş tries to get her to, but when she refuses or ignores him, he doesn't push her. Surprisingly, no one bothers her, no one comes into her room demanding answers, demanding she get up and act normal. Her only company for the past week has been Ateş, and he had been her saving grace. He held her when she cried, and gave her space when she needed it. He let her cry and scream and stare unseeingly at the walls for hours, but he also pulled her back from the ledge, kept her sane. He was her lighthouse in this raging storm of grief, and she doesn't think she'll ever be able to repay him for all that he did for her.

There's a knock on the door before it's opened, and Ateş slips in. He smiles, and she does her best to smile back. He takes a seat on the foot of the bed, facing her, and takes a moment to watch her, eyes roaming all over her face. She takes the opportunity to do the same.

If this had been a week earlier, she would have found it awkward and uncomfortable, but she's now used to the comfortable silence they share- not needing to speak to communicate with Ateş has been equal parts a relief and a source of endless confusion.

"-Feraye?"

She shakes herself out of her musings, biting her lip when she realises he's calling her name, probably not for the first time if his furrowed brows are any indication. "Yes?"

"Are you okay?"

She just shrugs.

He purses his lips. "Okay, get dressed. We're going out."

"Ateş-"

"Please don't say no," he interrupts her, pleading. Ateş leans forward, takes her hand in his. "I know you're in pain. I know you just want to lay here and not move. I know, but I can't stand by and watch you fade away. I just need you to get dressed and come with me. I won't ask you to eat or drink anything, and I won't ask you to talk. Just- please come with me?"

She thinks about saying no, but then she looks at him, really looks, and she sees the dark circles under his eyes, the faint tremble in his hands, and she realises that he's hurting too, and yet he's still trying to be strong. For her. For everyone.

Maybe, for once, she can be strong for him.

"Okay. Give me ten minutes."

He smiles brightly. "Thank you. I'll be downstairs."

She smiles, small but there. "Okay."

He takes her to a lookout, overlooking the city's bright lights. It's calm, and quiet, and she feels oddly at peace. True to his word, he doesn't say a thing the entire time they're there. At some point, he quietly suggests they take a walk, and she agrees.

Ten minutes into their walk, she stops dead in her tracks. Ateş stops beside her, his hand touching her back. "Feraye? Everything okay?"

There's a young boy teaching a little girl how to ride her bike.

"Feraye?"

"You taught me how to ride a bike," she whispers, suddenly remembering this in vivid detail.

"I-" he stutters, "I did."

She smiles, keeps watching the kids. "I remember Çetin wouldn't teach me, kept ignoring me. I tried it on my own but fell twice."

He laughs. "I saw you bleeding and- I was so scared."

She looks up at him. "You didn't tell me to stop though, you helped me."