Antlers On His Back

Not Your Fault

Regulus anxiously ran his fingers across his thighs as he waited for James to come back with Sirius. He tense as he heard laughter making its way through the door. When it opened, Regulus looked up, and he met eyes with Sirius. Sirius' smile instantly dropped, seeing how stressed Regulus was. "Hey, Reggie, what's up? You had something you needed to tell me?" Regulus just nodded in response. He looked over to James who had a supportive smile on his face then he looked back to Sirius.

"Uhm, James convinced me that there was something you should know, about when we were younger." Regulus' voice was quiet, so quiet that Sirius moved down to sit directly in front of Regulus.

"Okay, Reggie, take your time." Sirius ran a gentle hand through his hair. Regulus let his eyes drift to James, and he took a deep breath. Tears began to gather in his eyes as he started to talk.

"I don't think I'm ready to say who, but when we were younger, someone used to talk me into- used to make me, um, do things with them. It got worse the year you left for Hogwarts because they didn't have to have very good excuses to be there anymore." Regulus refused to make eye contact with Sirius, scared of what he would see. Disgust probably, who would let someone do that to them. Suddenly, Regulus felt like he needed to justify himself. "I didn't- didn't know what I was doing. It felt wrong, but they convinced me it was what I- I should want. They told me that- that you did it too, and if that was tr- true, then how could it be that bad. And I mean-" Regulus was cut off by Sirius talking firmly.

"You don't need to justify that Regulus. I don't care what they told you; I care about what happened to you. I care about how it has affected you, Reg. I love you. I could never not love you. That was not your fault. They are the bad person because they did that to you, tricked you into believing it was okay. It's not your fault, Reggie." Regulus was full on sobbing now. He could barely make sense of Sirius in front of him. He reached his arms in front of him, and he let Sirius squeeze him tightly.

"I'm dirty now," Regulus whispered, a barely existing string of words that Sirius wouldn't have heard had his ear not been directly next to Regulus' mouth. "I'm used-" Sirius abruptly pulled away. Regulus instantly curled into himself.

"Regulus, look at me. Please look at me, Reggie." Regulus hesitantly looked at Sirius' face. "You are not dirty because of them. You are not used now because of what they had done. You are not broken or wrong in any way because of their actions. They are a monster for what they did to you. You are not less because of another person's actions. You are beautiful and kind and respectful. You still have so much light inside that they could not damage. You survived what they did to you, and that makes you worth worlds more than they are. You are stronger than them. Regulus, no one will love you less because someone else took away your choices. That was not your fault, and it does not ruin your worth. I love you, Reggie. I love you so much. I'm so happy you revealed that to me, and I hope I can help you recover." Regulus had his hands over his face by the time Sirius finished talking. Regulus was getting to the point he was choking on his tears. He jumped slightly when Sirius wrapped his arms around Regulus. He instantly wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck, crying into his chest instead.

"I lov- love you, Siri," Regulus hiccuped out. Sirius squeezed him harder in response. They stayed like that for a while gripping onto each other as if letting go meant they'd never see each other again. As Regulus began to calm down, he felt a new hand come into contact with his back. He looked up to see James smiling down at him. Sirius looked up shortly after Regulus, laughing when seeing his best friend.

"Come here, Prongs." James quickly joined their hug. Hesitantly, Regulus began to lean more onto James than Sirius, wanting his boyfriend's presence. Sirius dropped his arms when realizing Regulus' movement, going to lay on the bed behind them instead. Regulus quickly curled up against James' chest. "How much of that did James already know?" Sirius questioned in a whisper.

"I knew most of it, just not what they said to convince Regulus," James answered first. Regulus let himself begin to drift off, allowing them to communicate above him.

"He made a smart decision not to tell us who it was. I wouldn't be sitting around at your house this summer had he, that much I know for sure." Regulus smiled slightly at his brother's words. He let himself drift off thinking about how easily Sirius had told him it wasn't his fault. How Sirius had easily told him what he longed to hear for years. This was probably the best decision he's made since talking to Sirius again.