my old stories

taopl part 4

Just then, Sofie flew back into view. [that was fast] "Hey girls. Sorry about earlier."

"It's okay," Abby said.

"No, it's not! Thanks to you, we can't get back home. And you got our hopes up for nothing." [shut your gob, lizzie]

Tears came into Sofie's eyes. "At least we gave you the pizza," Sofie whispered, holding back tears. [ok enough with the tears] Then she quickly snapped out of it. "Fine! I won't give you the help I was going to!" She shouted and threatened to fly away.

"Sofie wait! I'm really sorry about what I told you. I shouldn't have acted that way. I just really want to get home." [girl changes her emotions faster than lightning mcqueen can drive]

"I guess so," and she showed them another fairy. "This is Miranda, my step sister." [was miranda like hiding behind her or something]

"Hi," Miranda said, shyly. [why are they all shy. there are other personality types.]

"And this," she showed them another fairy "is Kevin, my step brother." [omg is that our first male character??]

"Hi girls. We can help you." [fr this time?]

They pointed their wands at the girls. The same thing as before happened, only the girls felt a weird tingling all over their body. [singular body] It felt like they were moving.

Lizzie saw the hut Abby lived in. [for the first time? how long have they been friends?] It was made of logs. It had a brown wood door and a window for each room. [how convenient] Through the windows, Lizzie could see sleeping bags layed all over the floor in part of one room, and on the other side of the room, there was a hole in the ground and a pile of dirt next to it. The bathroom, Lizzie thought. [lol what] On the other side of the house she could see through the other window: there was a wood stove and a small table. Around the hut was a large forest: The same one the girls got lost in! [no way! also stop with the colons! 🥴]

Then the scene changed, and Abby saw Lizzie's castle. [again, why has she never been to lizzie's castle in her life?] There were guards around all the entrances, and there were towering turrets. And there were windows made of pure glass, and then she saw it. [hm, wonder what windows are usually made of?] There, in one of the towers was a huge window, and through it was a huge bed, made of blankets with silk and a golden pillow that was so sparkly. [gotta love that dry passive voice]

Abby couldn't even imagine going to sleep there every single night! And right next to the bed, was a wardrobe, and it was almost as big as the bed! A door of the silky blue wardrobe was open a crack and Abby could see the silk nightgowns and big puffy sleeved dresses that seemed perfect for fancy holidays. [can u stop saying silk]

That was all Abby could see through the crack, but she was sure there were more beautiful dresses in there somewhere. [surely! if we know lizzie...] But she finally found out why the castle was called Castle Crystal: The castle was not made of brick or wood. It was made of pure crystal! [yeah, right] [and that would totally not be the thing you notice first...]

Then they were back at Abby's hut and actually on the ground. [no way] But Lizzie didn't stay long. She was being lifted again. Lizzie saw Abby hug her mom, who had run out to meet her, saying, "Abigail, where were you, I was so worried!"

"It's a long story." Lizzie heard her reply.

Then she saw her castle. "Home." She whispered to herself.

She got set down gently in front of her castle. Her mom came running out of the entrance. [ok so i kind of get abby's mom running right out to greet her bc their house is tiny, but you're telling me that out of everywhere in this entire castle, lizzie's mom was like right in front of the door staring outside waiting for lizzie?] "Lizzie, darling, where were you? What happened," she asked looking at Lizzie's dress. It was covered in mud, sticks, leaves, and tears. [how is a dress noticeably covered in tears? how is a dress ever covered in tears?]

"It is a super long story. You don't want to hear it" "Maybe I do."

"Can I have a bath now?" She asked, trying to change the subject. [why?]

"Sure, let's go in," she said.

i'm so done with this. thankfully, it's almost done anyway.

hope you have a lovely day!

-dxndelion_drexms