Have you ever wondered what it was like to forget everything?
For Citizen 17467, it's the complete opposite. She wants nothing more than to remember.
Every year on The Last Day, every Citizen of Clarus forgets. It's for their own good. So that they...
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I don't remember who I am.
It's terrifying. I know that yesterday was Renewal. But I have no idea what happened. My mind is blank. I stare at the reflection in the foggy bathroom mirror. Dark brown hair, blue eyes, rosy cheeks, upturned nose, freckles. I know deep down inside that these features are mine, but they are unfamiliar to me. I'm staring at a stranger.
Someone knocks on the bathroom door.
"Are you alright?" The nurse asks me, a hint of concern in her voice. What was her name? She told me when I met her this morning. Claire, I think.
"Do you need any help, Citizen 17467?" She persists.
Citizen 17467. That's me. I turn and open the door, stepping out of the bathroom.
"Um... no, I'm fine. Just a little confused," I admit.
Claire nods. "That's expected, dear," she tells me. "I'm sure everyone feels a little confused on the first day," she adds.
"You'll probably have feelings of confusion and dysphoria for the next few days. But don't worry, those feelings should go away after a week or two," Claire assures me.
I nod absently, wondering if this is the first time I've ever been in this room, or if it's the hundredth. It seems vaguely familiar, but I can't grasp more than that. It's like there's an impossibly tall barrier in my mind, smooth and sterile, keeping me from getting to my memories.
"I'm going to take you to Dr. Amethyst so that she can check your written memory," Claire tells me.
Written memory. The term is familiar, and it takes me a minute to recall the definition.
I follow Claire out of my hospital room, staring down at my flats. As I walk, I can feel every movement I make. Claire stops in front of an open door where a tall, dark-skinned woman dressed in a flowing white lab coat is waiting for me. Her long, thick curls are a vibrant shade of orange, fading into dark red.
The room smells heavily of disinfectant. I choke on the sterile air as I enter the room, glancing back at Claire who gives me a soft smile.
"I'll be back to get you in a few minutes," she tells me before retreating back down the hall. Once she's gone, I turn my attention back to the doctor.
"Good morning, miss Meredith," she greets with a broad smile as she scrolls through her tablet.
Meredith. My last name.
"Good morning," I return, noticing six little bottles of clear fluid sitting on the counter.
"Happy Renewal," the doctor continues, setting her tablet down on the counter.
"Same to you," I tell her, watching nervously as she slips on a pair of white latex gloves, picking up a long needle. She grabs an antiseptic wipe, a thin paper packet with a needle inside, and an empty vial before stepping towards me.
