Tears Of Insanity

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I ran my finger through the grass, having the sensation of smoothness, yet the roughness from its tips, shoot through my hand. I slide my palm over the tips of the lawn, extending my fingers to reach a leaf. I take it in my hand; I move it close to my face to examine the bumps and texture. I observed the change of color it had gone through, from a green to a dull brown. I softly broke off a little from its edge, knowing how weak it would now be. A sigh escapes my lips while crushing it all in my palm, letting the crumbs of its remains to flow for a little with the wind. I looked up to the blue cloudy sky, slowly closing my eyes I take a deep breath in an attempt to save the smell of the outdoors before possibly being stuck in four walls for most of my life. I felt soft fur come in contact with my skin and without opening my eyes, I placed my hand on the animal. I knew it was my dog as he soon came closer to my body. His fur and affection was not comparable to any other living creature that I had come into contact with. The other animals run in fear of the texture of my palms. The heat that came off of him and the heat that radiated from the sun were causing my body to let off steam, so it could cool down. The autumn season had a strange way of demonstrating that it wanted to alike with summer, yet preferred to be closer to winter. After having stayed there for far longer than I anticipated I heard my name being called from inside which could only belong to the voice of my brother. I didn't move for a while longer savoring the taste of freedom that was given to me, but his voice only grew stronger and his tone more aggressive. I stood, slapping my legs as the dirt fell off of my jeans and back to where it belonged before I walked inside. 

"Violet you were supposed to be with the doctor hours ago. I thought I had lost you too," said my brother. I rolled my eyes as I took a seat in the nearest chair. He was over exaggerating and would bring up the loss of our father more times than were necessary. It had been a long time, yet he would bring him up in this fashion as if it had occurred just the other night. More so, he would bring it up as the loss of our sister which did feel as if it was just yesterday.

"I thought I could be alone before I was trapped like an animal," I spat, but in a whisper. I could never yell at my brother since the day they took Jessica. Even if I did I would apologize soon after. It wasn't right that the only sister he had left wouldn't be compliant to his wishes. 

"This could only help."

"Nathan," I whisper, reaching to grasp his hand, "I don't belong there and you know it. I'm not crazy." I had already gotten a hold of this hand, but when I spoke he pulled away with a sigh.

"Your insanity won't bring Jess back. Your doctor said this would help your recovery, now come on. You're late... again." I kept my gaze to the ground as we walked to his black, shiny 1996 Volkswagen car. All I can think about is that day and it's been three years. The five years since the passing of our parents did not compare to the three years of the loss of our beloved sister. I can never leave the house; I never go out with my friends. Everything reminds me of her and it kills me, slowly. As we ride our way to the hospital, I stare out the window. I listen to the music Nathan always has on, R&B, with its rhythm soon getting into my head. Jess loved this music; she loved listening to it with Nath. I watched as children played outside without adult supervision, but they didn't mind, they played without a care. The anxiety of their isolation rose within me, but I did not say anything. This bother would not have arisen if I hadn't lost my sister so long ago. 

When we walk into Dr. Kenneth Anderson's office, I watched as the nurses went from room to room with trays full of medication. I looked back at Nathan's face to feel every detail flash in my mind. Our father passing away in the car accident we were both in, our mother passing away during childbirth, and that left Nathan in charge. Nathan and Jess looked most like our mother while I had the most resemblance to our father. Our eyes all had a hint of blue, but Nathan's are blue-green, mine a blue-grey, and Jessica had deep blue eyes. "Mr. Sinclair, Miss. Sinclair the doctor will see you now," a nurse spoke. Nathan stood first as I stayed glued in my chair. I didn't want to get up, but soon I felt him pull me up with force.

"Alright, Miss. Sinclair, all I want you to do is tell me what you're thinking about. I have all the time in the world," Dr. Anderson's voice was gentle, but it caused my nerves to go insane. I twisted the bracelet that I had on my wrists; Jessica had the same one. They are one of a kind. Another clue on how to find her, I thought, as I kept playing with it without saying a word to anyone.

"It was raining that day," I began, "I went to pick her up from a friends house, she had gone to, but she had spent the night there causing me to worry. I didn't know her friends and Jessica was only thirteen. I was going to be worried, of course, I took the place of mother and I was only fifteen while Nathan was seventeen. Nathan was working because he worked at night and I work during the day and I only had a permit meaning I had to pick her up on foot. I didn't want Jess in those conditions, but what was I supposed to do. The government didn't want us to live alone, so our aunt from Kansas came over to be our babysitter. I was only two, Nathan was four, but neither of us knew our aunt. She did try to give us a good life, but once Nathan could he took custody over us. Neither I or Jess disagreed. I realized how scary the neighborhood was as I walked to get her, yet I was thinking about how I thought Nathan knew where this friend lived," I paused and saw that Dr. Anderson was writing everything down. Nathan was still beside me, yet with all this trust I couldn't tell this man everything. If I did, I'll be put here for sure. I need to leave some parts out as I looked at Nathan I realized how tired he looked. He had finally started to get dark circles under this eyes from working too had; I can't let him think I'm insane like he wants to believe. "When I had finally arrived at her friend's door I knocked and an old burly man opened the door. He frightened me enough to give me the thought of calling Nathan instead, but I stood my ground and asked for Jessica. The man, who I never asked the name of, went back inside the house and left the door wide open. I waited until I saw my blonde-haired sister who came towards me and I hugged her as I thanked the man. I called a friend, Veronica, who had a car already as she could drive. She allowed me to borrow it and then I just talked with Jessica," I stopped talking recalling how I had spoken to Jessica that day.

"I thought Carol lived somewhere else?"
"I thought you had known," she gazed to the floor as she spoke.
"Of course I didn't. You told me Nathan knew."
"I knew he wouldn't let me go and I knew you would have made sure I didn't sneak out of the house," I sighed before talking again.

"Let's just get Veronica's car and we can go get some fries. Is that okay?" She just smiled at me and I threw my arm around her shoulder. We only had a few more blocks until we arrived.
I soon felt a pain in my stomach as it churned just thinking about that day, but I noticed that there was no sound of a pencil scratching paper. Dr. Anderson had caught up with me, but I didn't want to speak anymore as my head started to hurt as if I were being punched in the skull. "Then we went to get fries at our favorite fast-food restaurant, where she got taken away in front of where I had parked. I watched as the men carried Jess by the stomach into the van as I had gotten out and ran to get her, but I was too late as they drove away," I decided to finish. Dr. Anderson's hand swiftly wrote what I had just spoken on this paper while I heard the noise the pencil made, I felt a hand on my own. I held it tightly as I knew it was Nathan. I won't be placed here, I won't let that happen.