Tears Of Insanity

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

     "August twentieth. August twentieth," I wrote on my wall.
     "Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one-hundred." I've written her birthday for the one-hundredth time. I heard a knock on my window and I curled up in a ball.
     "Go away! Go away!" The door was opened and I felt an arms hug me. The tears started to form and slip from my eyes to the floor.
     "Violet. It's me, Thomas," I wiped my tears and held him tightly.
     "I love you," I whispered as I started to shake in his arms. This was a different 'I love you.' It was one that I meant from the bottom of my heart. One that I had to say to him because I realized how he feels. I feel the same. I am tired of being scared to love him, but only him. 
     "I love you too," he whispered back and his hand stroked my hair.
     "I can still hear her voice," my voice shook. Her soft, gentle voice that said my name for the first time when we saw each other.
     "She never got to come home," I croaked, "and she was so cold. Her hands were like ice." Tom only listened to me like he always did and then I heard him sigh. He saw my wall.
      "Sixteen, sixteen, sixteen, sixteen," I mumbled over and over again.
      "Shh. Your dad wants to see you," he spoke gently.
     "No, no, no, no, no, no-" I wasn't ready to see that man. He was my father, but who was he really? I never saw him in most of my life. He was never around, I thought he was dead. He was supposed to be dead, so if he came back from the dead then why can't Jessica. Jessica is the one who deserves to come back from the dead. She had her whole life ahead of her, whereas my father, has lived his life. 
     "He only wants to see you," he reasoned with me. I allowed myself to be persuaded as I normally am when he speaks. He was the only person that I ever wanted to see. The only person that I ever wanted to be with. No one else. He pulled away and went to open the door. I pulled my knees to my chest and started to rock myself. I attempted to stay calm as I took deep breaths in and out. The mouth of my father was moving, but I couldn't hear words come out of his mouth. I couldn't hear anything that he was saying. I was trying to not only keep him safe but myself. Yet when my dad was going to touch me I screamed. He shied away from me. I knew that he was afraid of me and that his perfect son, Nathan, would be the reason for any stay in town. 
      "Give her time," Tom told my dad. He placed his hands on my father's shoulder that he automatically put away. My dad didn't want his sympathies nor did he really want to see me. I knew this, because of the last words he said. 
     "I don't think she'll heal," my dad told Tom. I sniffed and wiped my nose as I started to roll on the floor. I heard footsteps move with yelling echoing the entire house. Everyone could hear them but I knew they thought it wasn't. 

"She was too young. It was my fault. It was my fault. She's dead because of me," I repeated over and over again. I could still feel her soft hair when I was stroking it. I felt tears fall from my eyes again. "I'm done. I'm done. I'm done." Soon I heard more footsteps.

"Woah," I heard a gasp that could only be from Veronica. Michelle is in prison for murder and kidnapping and I was glad even if she is Tom's sister, I felt my face being lifted and then lips press to my own.

"Veronica and Nathan will be here. Not just your dad, okay?" I shrugged at Thomas and he sighed before kissing me again. I watched him walk to my brother, "watch her for me today when she talks to Dr Anderson, okay?" Nathan nods and Tom leaves, most certainly to get back to work. Veronica helps me to my feet as we walk back to Dr Anderson's office. We all fit in the tiny room, me, Veronica, Nathan, and my dad, so we all had our own seats.

"So Violet I just want you to tell me how you are feeling," Dr Anderson said as he pulled out his notepad and pencil. What a stupid question! I could still hear the gunshot. I could hear Jessica scream as the pain shot through her body. I could still see her figure as her hand went to her heart, trying to tell me she loved me. I looked at the two bracelets I had on my wrists. One was hers and one was my own and now I wear the necklace our mom gave her. 'My little girl yesterday, my friend today, my daughter forever' is what hers said while mine said 'Promise me you'll always remember: you're braver than you believe and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think' then I looked at Nathan, my beloved brother, and saw he was wearing his, 'When words fail music speaks... If there ever comes a day then we can't be together keep me in your heart I'll stay there forever.' Nathan owned a locket and then the thought of my mother only made my emotions worse than they were. I felt multiple tears slip from my eyes down my cheek. I didn't know what to tell the doctor. My head was suddenly pounding, my hands were sweating and my legs were restless. I felt a lump in my throat and I knew now what to say.

"Could you repeat your question?" I ask.

"How do you feel?" He asked gently.

I nodded and moved my hand to my heart like my sister had done right before she was gone. I've got a war in my mind that I can no longer fight. "Dead," I stated.

"What do you mean?"

"I feel dead. I am dead like Jessica. I am dead. I died when she died. You asked how I feel and here's my answer. Dead."