I thought that I was getting better.

Chapitre 1

It had been six months. Six months since Hoyt trapped Jane in the infirmary prison. Six months since Jane killed Hoyt. Six months since Jane was told that Maura had been one of Hoyt's apprentices. Six months since Jane asked for a leave from Homicide for an indeterminate amount of time. Six months since Maura's heart was shattered to pieces.

She had done that to herself, really. Charles Hoyt had lured her into his plans. She was just like him, he had said. They had had similar childhoods. She was a lonely child neglected by her parents. Not that they didn't love her, but she never asked for much, and in the end, they had sent her away. And she had grown to become everything Hoyt loved. She was cold, detached, professional. She had climbed the social ladder rather quickly thanks to her parents' name. And when she had been named Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, he had made sure she would be working with the precinct where Jane Rizzoli was a Homicide detective.

She had never killed anyone for him. Her mission was only to scare Jane, to set her on edge for Hoyt to find her when she would have lost her mind. At first, it was easy to work with Boston Homicide. Her colleagues were calling her names. She was ignoring them. She had been ignoring taunts and names all her life. But when Jane Rizzoli came in the picture, it all became different. Maura had seen a strong woman fighting unimaginable demons behind closed doors. A strong woman that had held a hand out to her, that had placed a great trust in her. Jane had quickly become a close friend. The first friend she had ever had. She had changed her into a better version of herself. Because of that, she had stopped following the instructions Hoyt gave her before he was arrested and thought no one would ever know. Until he decided to go after them both and reveal the truth.

He had wanted her to kill Jane herself to punish her for going against him, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She would never forget the look of hurt on her friend's face when Hoyt had revealed that she was an apprentice of his, that she had been placed as medical examiner in Boston only to always have eyes on her. She had grown so close to Jane that she could have hurt her a hundred times. That was what he wanted. That was what she could never do. And it had come back to her face.

Jane had left a note in her apartment for her mother and brothers. She hadn't said a word about Maura, hadn't even instructed her family to get away from her. She had just told them that she would be travelling for some time. With Hoyt's death, she needed some off time to refocus on herself and on her career. Nothing more. Not even a warning. She was covering the friend who had betrayed her, and Maura chose to believe that Jane still trusted her deep down. She hadn't tried to warn her family against her. She hadn't even said a word about her or left a note for her. Maybe Jane just hoped that she would be gone by the time she came back to Boston. Or maybe she didn't intend to come back at all. No. Jane wouldn't leave Boston. It was her home. All her life was there. Maura should be the one leaving, but she couldn't resolve herself to leave the first place that ever felt like home.

Maura had never stopped looking for Jane, but as a cop, the detective had learnt how to live under the radar. Maura would like to say that she wanted to find Jane for her family who was worried sick about her (Jane hadn't given any news to them since she was gone, and it wasn't like her to do so) but it was mostly for her own benefit. Her life was devoid of all interest now. By losing Jane, she had lost herself. She was back to her old habits, back to being the Ice Queen with barely any interaction with her colleagues anymore. People were worried about that setback in her personality but most of them just knew that Jane was the better part of her. And that part was gone with her darkest secret. If she had to be honest with herself (and she was nothing but honest now), Maura would say that she was terrified because she was just the same as when Hoyt had recruited her.

Hoyt had promised her information about her biological parents in exchange for her services. Information that he never had. He had only used her, her gullibility, her need for love and a family to serve his own purposes. Jane had given her a family and friends without even asking for anything in return. Jane had helped her when she found out that her biological father was a criminal, a killer and had soothed her fears of ever being like that man. She had never killed anyone, but she had wanted to sometimes. Maybe Hoyt was right in the end, maybe she was born a killer as well.