v. what if you wanted to go to heaven but god said sadism

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YOUR SAVIOUR RENDERS YOU HELPLESS, PROMISING HE WILL COME BACK FOR YOU. is he home yet? IS HE HOME YET? IS HE HOME?

DO YOU RESENT HIM? IT WAS ALWAYS BLOOD — pouring out of the cracks in statues of angels in waterfalls, slow like honey, holy like wine. when prayer would rot your knees to bone, when every tear that fell was the question repeated: are you alive still? ARE YOU ALIVE STILL? ARE YOU ALIVE ? — WHERE WAS THE MESSIAH?

SEETHING REPARATIONS — i see judas in shattered awakenings between the devil's teeth. DO YOU THINK OF IT? does his silence speak to you, does it challenge you when it asks: ARE YOU MORE THAN THE WEAPON TEMPTATION HAS CRAFTED? when you abstain, DO YOU NOT THINK YOUR PAIN IS SACRED? that you are worth more broken? DO YOU NOT EQUATE YOUR SUFFERING TO HIS ENJOYMENT?

DO YOU UNDERSTAND? you will be condemned for the sin you were born into. LITTLE LAMB, YOUR BLOOD RUNS ONLY TO SPILL.

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