my knight in shining whatever

chapter four

Meredith

I've been so stressed out this week thinking about Derek. After talking to Lexie and Cristina, I've been having a spiral. I never thought of Derek in that way until they brought it up. I hate them so much. Why did they have to make me think about this? Even if I hypothetically like Derek, he doesn't feel the same way. It doesn't even matter. 

Derek has a new girl on his arm every week, how would I be any different? It would be stupid of me to think I would be treated differently from any of the girls he was with before. Another problem is Rose. She seems to not want to let go of Derek for longer than a second. This whole thing is so stupid, my friendship with Derek isn't worth being another one of his flings. I don't want to be thrown to the side and forgotten when he's bored of me. 

I wish I could talk to Derek about this, but he's the only one I can't talk to. It sucks, he's my best friend and I hate not telling him things.

Lost in my own train of thought, I almost don't hear the knock on my door.

"Go away, Lexie," I yell. I'm really not in the mood to talk to her right now. She's the one who put me in this stupid spiral in the first place.

"It's me," Derek calls.

I raise my head. Panic mixes with relief. I can't decide if I want him here, or as far away as he can get.

Before I can think of something to say, Derek walks into my room. I smile at him halfheartedly.

"Sorry, I didn't know it was you," I say needlessly.

He frowns. "Are you ok?"

No, I'm not ok because I can't stop thinking about my feelings for you that apparently I've had without knowing.

"Yeah I'm fine." I force a brighter smile onto my face to prove my point.

"Mer." He looks at me with his stupid face that I hate so much. That I love. Wait no stop.

"Derek why are you here anyway? I need to study." I spin my chair around and look at my books as if I had been studying in the first place.

"Meredith just tell me what's wrong with you."

You

"It's nothing Derek get out or I'm going to throw you out my fucking window," I snap.

He raises his eyebrows in surprise. 

"Ok, fine I'll leave. Have fun studying." He gets up and storms out of the door before I can apologize.

I didn't mean to snap at him like that. He didn't actually do anything wrong. It's just my stupid brain making me say stupid things. This is why I didn't want to like Derek in this way. It ruins everything.

I lay my head down on my desk and groan. 

. . . .

I slide down into the seat next to Cristina. 

"Dude why has everyone been giving me weird ass looks all week?" I ask her.

She widens her eyes. "You didn't hear? I thought Derek would've told you."

I shake my head in confusion. "No I didn't, what the hell happened?"

"Girl, Rose went crazy on Derek for ditching her yesterday to hang out with you. She yelled at him in the hallway in front of everyone. It was insane." 

What? I kind of feel bad now, I didn't want to get him in drama with Rose.

"What did Derek do?" I ask, leaning forward to hear her better. 

She grins at me. "Well after Rose told him to date you instead of her, she stormed off and Derek just walked away without saying anything."

"Well I kind of yelled at Derek yesterday so it's no surprise that he hasn't told me." I sigh guiltily.

"Oh my god what happened? I thought you were all lovely dovey with him." She looks shocked.

"He came to see me and I snapped at him because I was in a bad mood." I put my head on the desk.

Cristina gives me a sympathetic pat. "It's Derek, you can't scare that boy off with one bad day. He's whipped as hell for you."

"I don't think he is," I say, looking up.

"Then you must be blind, because the way he looks at you is pure love." She makes a pretend gagging face.

"I think you're delusional. Are you sure you aren't so invested in this because your love life is nonexistent?" I ask with a grin.

"I hate you, I try to be nice and help you, and what do I get? Slander." She pretends to be extremely offended.

"It's true though," I laugh. 

She rolls her eyes. "Yeah whatever, but I still think you guys are in love. I need to get you together so I don't have to listen to this annoying pining for anymore hours of my life."

I shove her lightly. "I don't pine that much do I?"

"Meredith you actually never shut up about him, I'm pretty sure I know everything about him by now. I need this to end."

I roll my eyes. "Thanks, your support is highly appreciated."

We both turn to the teacher and try to actually pay attention for once. I still can't get Derek out of my head though. I need to do something about this but I have no idea what.

Oh my god guys look who's back from the dead. I got super bored and thought it would be fun to update this lmao. I hope you enjoyed. I MIGHT update again if you give me really good ideas. Thank you so much for reading! I promise I'll make these rats get together eventually.