His Obsessed love

Part 11 -Love or Pain

Sitting under the running cold shower on the floor, rubbing her lips until her hand got exhausted. She leaned against the wall weeping profusely. Before today, she only sympathized with the girls who were tortured by one-sided lovers or felt pity for those who committing suicide by it. But today she really realised how violated, helpless, polluted and ashamed they must have felt, that instead of living life, they consider the right to end their life. A sneeze due to cold brought her out of her vulnerable negative thoughts. And remind her of his threat of what self harm will lead him to do. Sighing in utter despair she stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in towel, when her gaze fell on the small Krishn idol on her study table.

"(Kyun kanha kyun? yeh kaisi pariksha hai? yadi aap chahte hai, mai usse ladu, toh kyun mujhe itna nirbal banaya?) Why Kanha, why? What kind of test is this? If you want me to fight him, why make me so vulnerable?"

As if he was her only hope to get out this dark phase, she falls on her knees near the table and questions while pouring her grief to him and expressing her dilemma.

"(Aap kehte, prem ke aage prem se samarpan karo. par prem kya hai? kya ye ghaav, bhay aur ashru deta hai?) You say, surrender to love with love, but what's love? Does it give bruises, fears and tears?"

Silence and the divine smile of Krishn was the only answer to her dilemma and grief. Is love selfish, toxic and conditional?" Coughing a little, she grew silent but her gaze didn't move from Krishn. As it gave her peace even though her pain didn't end, but lessened for sure. She didn't even realise when gazing at him, she fell in embrace of peaceful slumber.

______________

"Danish, where are you taking this Tea?"

Stepping out of the temple, Sanchi inquired on seeing the butler taking the tea upstairs. It was too early for anyone to be awake to have tea.

"To the study room, for Abhiraj Sir."

"He's awake?"

"He didn't even sleep, Mam."

"Hand it to me, I'll bring it to him."

Before he could speak she took the tray from him and headed upstairs to the study room. She was concerned, confused and curious. But all her emotions turn into annoyance seeing the burning cigarette stuck between his fingers and him in daze gazing at the diary in hand. She placed the tray on the table and walked near him. But observing dried marks of tears on his face. "Is it tears of frustration or remorse?" she wondered then threw the cigarette from his hand in the trash can and took the diary from his palm.

"(Mai uske pyaar mein mar raha, aur vo use swarth, hath aur vaasna samajhti hai. Uski nazar mein main krodhi hoon, ahankaari hoon, kaami hoon aur paapi hoon. Lekin vo to shaant, vinamr, pavitr aur dharmi hai. To kyon nahi maaf kar, ek avasar de deti mujhe? kya daya aur kshama hi param dharm nahin hai?") I am dying in her love and she considers it selfishness, stubbornness and lust. In her eyes I am short-tempered , arrogant, lustful and a sinner, but she is calm, humble, chaste and righteous so why doesn't she forgive me and give me a chance. Isn't Mercy forgiveness the ultimate righteous."

Reading this Sanchi was filled with astonishment, as she glanced at Abhiraj. She wanted to wake him up and question him. Is his love and remorse enough to get him forgiveness? Did he repent or redeem for his wrong deeds? But she didn't, instead she just placed the diary back on the table. Then turned to leave but feeling hold on her cloth she looked behind and saw Abhiraj holding her Saree mumbling something she walked back to him and heard him clearly.

"Once chance please."

"It's a human tendency, that instead of looking into our own actions which compels others to react in a negative way towards us. We blame them for their behaviour, words and deeds towards us. Until you learn this you won't get anything from her, not even forgiveness.