The Start of Everything After

Love is all

While changing into my pajamas I notice how incredibly hairy I am, all over. I've always known I was on the hairier side but now that I have someone who sees me, all of me, all the time I suddenly feel hyperaware of everything about my appearance. All my insecurities bubbling up like the hot springs.

"I feel disgusting with so much hair, and like really, really incredibly unattractive." I verbalize to Luke.

"That's not very feminist of you, pretty misogynistic if you ask me."

"I'm serious"

"So am I" he responds

"I don't mind it on other girls, I don't judge but on me it's gross."

"You could never be gross, and besides you are judging but instead of them it's you" I scoff; he can't be serious.

"Well I like it" he says, after a long silence, completely throwing me off guard "you're soft, silky, sexy as hell... I think"

"Really?" I'm so taken aback.

"Delilah, I don't care if you have hair, if you are bald or have three heads... I love you don't get it?"

His confession surprises the hell out of me and by the look on his face I don't think he meant to say it but it's out he did and I'm over the moon.

"Let's do it" I say, suddenly feeling bold and powerful.

"Do.. what? It?" He asks not understanding right away, but maybe he's playing dumb

"Come on! It!"

"It?" He questions again. Ok so maybe he's not playing dumb maybe he just is. I laugh. And he looks at me questioningly.

"It.'' I say, much more softly, giving him a last chance before I have to spell it out and my confidence is fading fast so I certainly don't want to have to...explain.

"Ohhhh" A look of understanding washes over his face. Wait; is he blushing?

"Are you c- certain?" he stutters, which is way out of character. He is blushing! I didn't think guys like him blushed but I'm beginning to think there aren't any other guys like him.

"Because Delilah just because I told you... you know doesn't mean you're obligated to do...anything. There's no need to rush"

And while that's sweet and considerate and can we get an applause for the consent, and checking in...and the reassurance? I just want to do the dirty, already before I lose the fire.

The air is damp, the ground is mossy, and it smells like earth. We strip completely and run into the lake together holding hands and laughing because it's so damn cold. There's a thick layer of fog covering the lake like a film. Overhead, there are no stars because the moon is full and bright tonight. We swim out to the middle of the lake, making our way through the fog.

I swim to him and instantly wrap my legs around him, because at this point it's a reflex. I kiss him fervently, then break away from him. "I love you," I say for the first time, breathlessly. He stops kissing me and pulls back to study me.

"I know," he says after a pause.

"Luke!" I yell and splash him.

"But it's more than okay with me, because I love you, too." I want to remember this moment forever.

"I'm ready," I say, excitement bubbling up inside of me.

"Okay, Lil. Are you sure?" he asks quietly as he resumes kissing my neck.

"Yeah," I nod.

"Okay, let me get a condom."

"Okay, I'll just... wait here," I say. I'm left alone in the lake, shivering. Whether from cold or excitement, I'll never know. But it's peaceful and it gives me time to think about everything. The past and the future and him. It all comes back to him.

He comes back in what feels like an instant, practically running across the beach. He dives into the water and swims toward me, strokes like knives cutting through the frigid water. When he's back in front of me, his numb fingers fumble to open the condom. It's like he can't open it fast enough. When he finally does, I wait while he puts it on.

"Are you sure?" he asks again. By this time I couldn't be possibly more ready.

I nod and then... it's happening.

"Happy birthday, Lilah," he whispers in my ear, his voice low and sexy. "You're the most beautiful angel I've ever seen and I could not in any way be more in love with you. Soul and all."

It's all so much to process at once that I don't respond.

"Is this okay?" he asks, concerned.

"Yes"

"Does it hurt?"

"A little bit." I say, honestly.

"Is this okay?" he repeats. "Does it feel good, babe?" I bite my lip and nod, speechless. "Tell me if it hurts too much, ok?"

"Just. Stop. Talking," I say breathlessly. He laughs. "Kiss me," I say, and he listens.

As I change I can feel his eyes upon me. "Stop staring." I say, suddenly feeling stupidly shy.

"Why? You're beautiful." he says, lying on the bed on his side propped up on one elbow.

"Because it makes me nervous." I say, feeling the familiar sensation of my cheeks heating up once again.

"Okay, but we've already had sex darling, I know what you look like."

"Well stop," I say and slap him lightly on the shoulder as I pass. He continues to watch me. "you're making me nervous." I plead, fumbling with the buttons.

"You're adorable," he says, amused, and then he looks back down at his book and continues to read without a single thought to the effect he has on me.

"You're so lucky," Tanya tells me as we're cooking dinner one night over the fire.

"Why?" I ask.

"Come on! You have two guys desperately in love with you."

"But you had Jack." I point out, but instantly know that it's not the same.

"Oh Delilah dear, there's a difference between love and lust. Jack wouldn't have known love if it bit him in the ass." Up until that point I always thought Jack and Tanya deserved each other but now I'm starting to think Tanya deserves better, much better.

I attempt my best at dancing seductively but as having no experience in the area I'm sure I'm failing fabulously. I strip to my underwear and bra.

"The way your hips move is the sexiest thing I've ever seen." Luke says, causing my stomach to flip. He tickles me into bed "And your giggles literally physically warm my heart." he tells me. I lick his hand as he reaches for my armpits again.

"You think you're gonna gross me out by licking me?" he asks. I nod, laughing.

"Well you're not." he responds and I raise my eyebrows, "If anything you're just gonna turn me on!" This makes me laugh even harder.

I had shelter and food in the wild, which was all I thought I needed. But now I have finally have what was missing; someone to love and be loved by.