The Start of Everything After

Untitled Part 18

"Where's your baby daddy?" asks Tanya.

"Eew, gross, don't call him that!" I say a little too loudly and Luke looks up from where he's sitting. My heart pounds.

"Then what is he?" she says quietly

"Luke, just Luke" I whisper harshly.

"Just Luke?"

"My Luke." I say and look over at Luke, who's looking back down while whittling away.

"We're going to have a baby." I whisper that night, into his ear, after I know he's well asleep, just to see how it sounds.

"What did you say, babe?" he rolls over to me, eyes still half closed with slumber.

"Nothing. Just that I love you"

"Awww, sweet, well I love you." He kisses my forehead and rolls back and I know he's asleep a few moments later because I can hear him snoring faintly.

The next day I'm feeling courageous and that I'm ready to tell him, finally. "Luke, can I talk to you about something?" I ask quietly, feeling too nervous to barely even speak.

"Anything, babe, always. What's up?"

"Luke I-" I stop, hesitant.

"Baby, you can tell me anything, honestly." he says encouragingly. I wince, it's too painful.

"I-" I try again. "I-" I stop a third time and I want to tell him, I do, it's just the forming words part I seem to be having trouble with. And then I suddenly feel nauseous. I'm about to try one more time but I feel like I'm going to throw up. Like here and now. "Gotta go." is all I can manage. I cover my mouth, like that's going to do anything and then book it. I make it about ten feet before I puke all over a tree, that did nothing to deserve it.

"Aww, babe, are you sick?" Luke asks, concern apparent in his voice.

"No." I say honestly, stand up and wipe my mouth. Attempt number five hundred and fifty three at telling Luke the truth. At this rate the baby will be born before I tell him what's really going on.

"Delilah's sick," Luke announces to everyone.

"Or just pregnant," Tommy coughs. I shoot him daggers with my eyes. But he had said it so quietly that Luke didn't hear. Thank god.

"Just so you have a heads up about catching anything."

"Oh I don't have to worry about catching what she has," Jack says and winks at me. "and you shouldn't either, Luke"

I try to button my jeans for the third time but even though I try again I know I can't. "Shit." I whisper and suck in again to zip it about halfway up but I.. can't...button...it! It's no use. My jeans haven't fit comfortably for a while now. This can only mean one thing; I can no longer deny that I am pregnant. Yet I still don't want to think about it right now so I put it in the back of my mind. For now I need to find something that fits so I rummage through some clothes, find, and change into someone else's sweatpants. I think it was a guy's because it's a little stretched out in front and a little tight in the butt. But I can pull them up around my waist and that much I am grateful for.

"I'm worried she has the flu" I overheard Luke announcing to everyone.

"You're so damn stupid" says Tanya.

"What?" he asks and I close my eyes praying they won't tell him.

"Nothing. You just are. You've got to be the most stupid," I rush over, white hot panic in my blood, terror ringing in my ears "idiotic and clueless guy I know." she laughs. Luke starts walking away. His fists are clenched tightly and it doesn't take a genius to figure out that Luke is seething.

Luke

I see Jack and immediately my jaw is clenched and I have to remind myself to breathe.

"What's he doing here?" I demand of Tayna, while ignoring Jack, it's the only way I can keep my cool.

"I need to eat man. I've been fucking starving out there, want me to die?"

"Oh you don't want me to answer that"

"She's not sick, man," Jack says to his back. I whip back around.

"Yes she is." I insist. "She's been throwing up for days."

Tanya pulls at her hair "Uhhhh, you're killing me! Oh my god. Yea. exactly. Think. about. it."

"About what?"

"Never mind. I can't help you anymore than I just did. Just all I have to say is she's not sick."

As I walk up to the fire to where everyone's sitting I notice everyone's there but Delilah. She's been going to bed early recently. No one notices me at first as I sit down.

"My girlfriend thinks I'm dead. I feel like I abandoned her," Tommy says.

"It's not your fault," Tanya replies.

"I would give anything to hug her again. I remember how her perfume smells sometimes," he says quietly.

"At least you didn't knock her up in the wilderness like Luke did," Jack laughs, and my heart stops.

"Pardon--the fuck?" I ask, not sure I heard him right. Everyone stays silent, and it's the silence that screams at you. "What did you just say?" I demand.

"Um, nothing. I said nothing," says Jack, still smiling, clearly amused.

"Delilah's pregnant?"

"Shit. Yeah," Tommy answers. "At least she thinks so. I'm really sorry, man."

"I'm not," Jack says. "That little bitch deserves it." I have to fight the urge to punch him. "No. That's impossible," I say slowly, shaking my head.

"No. It isn't," says Tanya.

"But we used--"

"Condoms, yea, I know" nods Tommy "but she thinks the heat from the fire may have melted them."

"Fuck, I can't do this, I gotta go."

I start running. I need time to process this shit.. It would make sense, her throwing up every morning for the past few weeks, her pushing me away, it all makes sense.

At first I don't even notice I'm crying, but then the tears come quicker, angrier, and pretty soon I jog to a stop and bend over, my racking sobs filling the empty forest. I am going to be sick. I throw up all over the decaying leaves on the ground. I keep walking and continue crying.

"God damn," I say, putting my hands up behind my head. I can't even believe she's pregnant, if that's really the case."Jesus Christ." I say a little louder. All I can think about is her dying in childbirth. "Fuck." I yell this time. I can't afford to lose her. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!" I lean back on a tree and slide down to the ground. We never should've had sex.

I sit there with my head in my hands, between my knees, for what seems like hours. When I'm finally done feeling sorry for myself, I get up and walk back to camp. I spit and wipe my eyes. I need to find Delilah.

So Luke's prospective... that's new! well i hope enjoyed this part as much as it was fun to write.  As always I love you all and hope your'e all well and happy.

I know it's been awhile since I've posted and I apologize for that. I hope to post again soon :))