The Start of Everything After

Late

Oh my mother effing god...I'm late. It's only been two weeks since the first time we had sex but I've counted and recounted and I was supposed to get it by now, I'm certain. I'm freaking out, losing my mind. I can't tell Luke because, well, because something tells me it's not a good idea, and I'm honoring that something.

*****

I kick the ball at Luke, pissed off, and it connects perfectly with his groin. I feel kind of bad but at the same time that he got exactly what he deserved. "I hope you didn't want kids." I say smugly.

"Just pray nothing's messed up, Delilah." he croaks as he kneels over and falls to the ground. I walk over to him.

"So you do want kids?" I say in mock surprise as I look down at him.

"Actually, I don't; not that that's any of your business." he says looking up at me from where he's laying on the ground.

"Really?" I ask, genuinely interested. He manages to get up.

"This conversation is over." He declares angrily and walks away. "Now back to drills!" he points to the rest of the team, and blows his whistle loudly in my face, while maintaining eye contact.

*****

"Good morning Delilah darling." Luke says and kisses me on the cheek. His morning breath reeks and I know what's going to happen before it happens. I push him off me hard and he jumps back surprised but I don't care. I bolt up and run out the door. "Delilah, what's wrong darling?" he calls after me. "Don't follow me" I yell back, over my shoulder as I run into the woods. I go as far as I can before bending over and puking my guts out on some poor tree.

I look at the box of condoms and something stands out to me that I hadn't noticed before. It's right above the warning about how it's not 100% effective. It says: Avoid exposure to direct sunlight or storage for prolonged periods at temperatures above 100 F. And my one thought is about the fire. That sure as hell was one hot fire. Definitely above 100 degrees, and the five hours that I was unconscious that it took for it to die out would count as "prolonged" for sure.

What am I gonna to do? Luke is gonna freak. I tear the box into tiny little pieces in anguish and throw them to the ground. The paper rains down slowly like snow and I stomp on it and keep stomping on it. Without realizing it, I start crying and I sit down on the ground beside the pile of box snow. I cry and cry and cry and I don't look up for at least twenty minutes until I hear a timid, "Lilah? Are you--?"

"Yeah," I interrupt a concerned Luke, "I'm fine."

"What's this?" He gestures at the torn box beside me.

"It's nothing. I was just..." I shoot him a fake smile. "Just upset," I finish. "But it doesn't matter," I say. "I'm fine." But Luke looks in no way convinced. "Everything's fine." I reassure him yet again.

"Oh." He looks around uncomfortably. "Alright, if you say so." He sits down next to me. I keep looking forward, not wanting to make eye contact. I'm scared that if we do I'll break down and tell him what's really going on. Which would be the worst thing possible. Out of the corner of my eye I can see him watching me with his head tilted to the side, frowning.

"What?" I ask, after a long time.

"Nothing." He shakes his head and laughs condescendingly. "You're just so..."

"What?" I look at him. "So... what?"

"Guarded all the sudden. It's like something happened and you're... blocking me out."

"Hmm," I say and look away.

"Like that," he says. "You just did it again."

"Did what, exactly, Luke?" I ask, starting to get annoyed.