"What do you want to become after senior high?" I heard him asked me while I was looking at the wide soccer field.
We are here seating at one of the benches. Mainit kahit na mayroon namang silong sa taas. Mainit ang sinag ng araw pero hindi naman ito nakakapaso. Nakatanaw lang ako sa soccer field na mapayapa. Walang mga batang naglalaro. Halos, walang tao.
"I told you before. I want to become a Certified Public Accountant" I beamed a smile in front of him and it made his forehead crease.
"Hanggang ngayon?"
"Oo! Bakit ba?!"
"Wala lang. You're like very rare for me,Ventura. Halos lahat kasi ng kilala ko, walang pangarap sa buhay" He even shaked his head na para bang hindi makapaniwala na may pangarap ako.
"Grabe ka naman, lahat naman tayo may pangarap. Baka 'di lang sinasabi sayo. Saka, ofcourse! Knowing you, wala ka naman masyado kakilala" He laughed at what I told him.
His laugh sounds like melody through my ears. Para akong hinehele ng tawa niya. It's like the first time that I heard him laugh, the first time that I became comfortable with him. Naramdaman ko ang dahan-dahan na pagtibok ng puso ko.
Malamang, titibok talaga 'yan. Buhay ka eh.
Parang ang lakas. I covered it with my palm, calm down... baka marinig ka.
"I-ikaw ba, what program will you take after senior high?" I diverted my attention to elsewhere. Tinanong ko siya pero pinako ko ang tingin ko sa soccer goal na ilang metros ang layo sa amin.
"Probably business related" He non-chalantly told me.
"See? May pangarap ka rin!" I looked straight into his eyes this time. I could sense a hint of sadness and pain. Bakit ganon? Pangarap niya naman ang pinag-uusapan namin.
He smirked and looked at the sky kaya napatingin rin ako doon. Agad kong tinakpan ng kamay ko ang aking mga mata. The sun shines too bright today. I suddenly became uncomfortable with the silence. I looked at him and he's closing his eyes. He looks like a plant that need to absorbs the sun for photosynthesis.
"Bagay naman sa'yo ang business field ah. May experience ka na sa stocks, your family even have your own company, balita ko sa work immersion doon karin papasok? Baka naman Sir Elizalde..." I nudged him jokingly. Pero hindi 'yun joke, ELZ group of companies is no joke. Napakalaking kompanya 'yun, kapag doon ako nag work immersion tiyak bingo sa resume ko.
"Does business suit me?" He asked while facing me. I gulped. Shit, ang gwapo.
"Yes! I think you are the living embodiment of ABM! Ikaw ang face ng strand natin HAHAHAHA" Tumawa ako kaya sinabayan niya ako ng pagtawa. I don't know but his laugh feels fake for me.
"Sa tingin mo, bagay sa akin maging painter?" I raised an eyebrow while looking at his eyes. His eyes are full of hope and regret this time. Para akong inaabsorb ng mga mata niya kaya napakurap ako para 'di mahila. Grabe naman ang epekto ng taong 'to sa akin.
"Painter? Sorry ah pero 'di kita ma-imagine outside the business world eh. Tsaka, marunong ka ba magpinta? Ni isang beses I never saw you draw or paint!" I exclaimed. Is he trying to pick a new hobby?
He chuckled softly but it gave me chills. Feeling ko tuloy I said something that I shouldn't have said. I don't know why but Ethan does not feel Ethan today.
"Really..."
He stand up kaya 'di ko na siya natingnan sa mga mata. Nakakasilaw kasi talaga ang araw tapos dagdagan mo pa ng Ethan Elizalde. My poor eyes can't handle the shine.
"I once dream to become a painter"
Tangina? Sabi ko na nga ba Amanda eh, wrong choice ka kanina.
"But it's just a dream for me now, pinamukha na kasi ng daddy ko sa akin na ako ang dapat magmana ng kompanya. The world is waiting for the heir of ELZ. The world is waiting for me. Ano nga ba 'yang pangarap kong maging pintor? It's just another silly hobby. It could never be my source of living"
Napatahimik ako, literal. Shit naman.
When he said, the world. Kasama ako doon. Kasama ako sa mga tao na naghihintay sa kaniyang maging tagapagmana ng kompanya nila. He's a friend pero ngayon ko lang nalaman 'to.
He heaved a heavy sigh before siting on the bench again.
"That's why I don't know dreams anymore, Ventura. Everyone have dreams, they don't follow it. Everyone follow practicality these days. Aminin man natin o hindi, money rules the world. We're all slaves from it, the only way to break through it is by following our hearts and passions but we can't. Why? Kasi wala rin tayong pera" Natawa na naman siya sa sinabi niya kaya natawa na rin ako. Nakakahawa kasi ang tawa ng isang 'to eh.
Relate.
"Do you really dream of becoming a CPA?" And just like a rubber band so weak, it snapped. Years of gaslighting myself that I want this path. The reason why I chose ABM. Paano ako napunta sa strand na 'to.
Pangarap ko ba talagang mag CPA?
"Sorry but halos lahat ng kakilala ko sa business world, 'di naman nila pinangarap ang trabaho nila eh. You know what their dream is? The lifestyle. The lifestyle of someone in business and ofcourse they dream of the money. I just want to hear from you kung pangarap mo talagang pumasok sa field na 'to. You would be really rare — why are you crying?"
Agad kong itinaas ang kamay ko at pinahid ang mga luha na kanina pa pala dumadaloy. Bakit ba ako umiiyak? Para akong dinala ni Ethan sa future, parang ganon lang din ang mangyayari sa akin kasi...
"I don't really dream of it" Just like a secret that has been out from the lock. My tears burst.
"I dream of being somehow included in theatre arts. I want to become the director, the script writer, the props maker, someone in theatre. I want to make plays, or movies, or series. But I don't have what it takes – I don't have money. Sabi nila pang mayaman daw ang ganiyang mga kurso kaya sinabi ko sa sarili ko na I will take ABM and I will enter the Business Field baka sakaling magkaroon ako ng sapat na pera to pursue the job that I really want" Inabotan na ako ni Ethan ng panyo kaya natawa nalang din ako sa pinagsasabi ko. Nagrant ba naman bigla.
"Parehas pala tayong Frustrated Arts and Design students eh" We both laughed kahit wala namang nakakatawa.
It's funny to think that the Top Two students of ABM doesn't even like ABM.
"Ventura"
I looked at his eyes again. This time, it's full of happiness.
"I want you to pursue your dream and passion, kahit gaano katagal sana 'di mawala ang totoo mong pangarap. I want you to become a director, script writer at kung ano pa 'yung sinabi mo kanina. Padayon, Ventura."
I smiled at him. He never failed to make me feel human. I really do like him.
"Ikaw rin!" I jokingly punched his shoulder.
"H'wag kang magpapadala sa pressure ng daddy mo. Don't give up on your dream as a painter. Hihintayin ko ang araw na makikita ko ang mga masterpiece mo sa art gallery" That made him smile. This time, his smile is not fake. Parang ngayon ko lang 'to nakita. He's very genuine today.
"I look forward on watching your movies, direk."
