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Today is a rainy ass day. I sat here out in the backyard watching Xavier care for the animals today. I wasn't feeling good, at all.

Just my mind racing.

Just a lot.

"Mommy?" Tala said.

"Yes, my baby?"

"Can Hali give me her Barbie."

"Blood, no that is her doll. You have your owns."

"Hali took mines, I have no Barbies."

"HALI!"

She sure took her mother fucking time coming to the patio loud as I fucking was.

"Yes, mama?"

"You took her doll?"

"Her gave them to m..."

"Tell me a lie?"

"I HATE HER, I HATE HER, SHE IS LIKE HER MOMMY. SHE IS MEAN."

Hali tossed the three dolls down to the ground, as she ran inside.

"Mommy, I not mean? I love my big sissy, I love her this much." Tala held her arms opened wide as she could, with tears stream down her little face.

Reminding me of Jade. She has her entire fucking face.

"I know baby, she doesn't hate you okay? I promise she loves you just as much. She is just having a bad day, I will go talk to her."

"I love her," Tala said as I picked her up crying.

I'm walking better, I have to since I am pregnant and shit. I use my walker, but I use the cane a lot more.

"Hali?" I knocked on her room door.

"Mama, I so sorry. I'm upset and I love Tala." She started crying as she sat on her bed holding a picture Tala hand painted for her.

I sat down next to her.

I have to watch what I say and do because out of all the kids Hali copies, my own fucking...tantrums.

"Hali, I know. But baby, you are her big sister and she does look up to you now. You can't say that to her, you will break her heart, I don't ever want you or her or Kano to ever feel that pain okay?"

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