Take Me To Church - Regulus Black

VIII. I would rather kill myself

"Emmaline Euphemia Potter!" The girls back straightened as her full name was yelled across the hall. Sirius's voice sounded oddly cold, unlike the comfort that it usually sends to the girl. She turned to see him and James speeding towards her as Remus and Peter followed behind them. Remus had an apologetic look and Peter just looked shocked. She had a feeling she knew what was about to happen. 

"Full name? What did I do this time?" She asked sarcastically to hide her fear that was settling in her chest. Sirius glared at her. 

"You know exactly what you did" He stuck his finger in the girl's face. James sent a warning look to Sirius as he pulled his arm down. 

"Watch it. Be calm" He advised the black haired boy. Sirius rolled his eyes, but took a deep breath. 

"My brother? Seriously? My fucking brother?" Emma closed her eyes at the tone of his voice. It stung her skin as each word was muttered. A scoff made her open her eyes. Sirius's eyes were dark. His usual soft grey was replaced with the clouds of a stormy sky. Her eyes flicked to her brothers. He looked indifferent. She could tell he didn't like that he was upsetting her, but he also didn't like the situation either. 

Emma cleared her throat. "It's just as friends. We both didn't have dates and Avery and Evan are going together" She shrugged trying to send the message that it's not a big deal. 

"Friends my ass! He's been in love with you for years!" Sirius's words rung throughout the halls causing people to look at the group. Emma swallowed hardly as she felt everyone's eyes on her. Burning holes through her. Her spit thickened and her breath quickened. Every word that Sirius was saying became muffled and then she couldn't even hear him at all. It was like she was underwater. She couldn't move or breathe. Her vision started to blur and her ears started ringing. Her eyes burned with tears and the last thing she saw was James's worried expression and Regulus Black mirroring it as they stood above her. Then it all went black.

-

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Panic attacks were never fun. They were exhausting and gave Emma a splitting headache. They started when she was only 8 years old. Every time someone confronted her she went into one. She hated it. She wished she could change it and be normal. Her parents had to change their parenting style for her and learn how to approach her more gently and not let their emotions control their actions and words. 

James always thought it was unfair whenever he was younger. The first time he saw Emma have a panic attack was during her first year. She had accidentally broken a ravenclaw boy's quill and he exploded. James found his sister sitting on the ground by his bed. He will never forget it. He thought she was dying and all he remembered was wanting to take away her pain. He managed to calm her down enough to rest and fall asleep, but from that day forward he promised himself to always try and prevent one from happening. 

James sat by Emma's bed in the infirmary. His head in his hands, crying. He knew he had failed her and he couldn't forgive himself. He wasn't just mad at himself though, he was furious at Sirius. His best mate had caused his sister to be in this state. 

Remus placed a comforting hand on James shoulder. 

"Mate, me and Pete are heading back to the dorm. Don't want Minnie to get mad at us" James nodded numbly at Remus's words. Peter had sent him a comforting smile before walking out into the hallway. Remus sighed.