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A month. A month since I have joined the institute. It has been a month since they found out about my past. It has been a month since I started to open up again. But today has to be one of the days where I need time to myself. It was the day my mother died. May, 21st, the day I found her in our bathroom dead from an overdose.
I sat there lying in my bed when I decided to get up and take a shower. I turned on my speaker and blasted my music. When the shower was warm enough I got in. They had taken any sharp objects I could use to hurt myself away and right now the urge to cut was bad.
How could you leave so unexpected? We waited, we waited for you, But you just left us We needed you, I needed you
Yo, I don't know what it's like to be addicted to pills But I do know what it's like to be a witness it kills Mama told me she love me, I'm thinking this isn't real I think of you when I get a whiff of that cigarette smell, yeah Welcome to the bottom of hell They say pain is a prison, let me out of my cell You say you proud of me, but you don't know me that well Sit in my room, tears running down my face and I yell Into my pillowcases, say you're coming to get us Then call a minute later just to tell us you're not, I'm humiliated I'm in a room with a parent that I don't barely know Some lady in the corner watching us, while she's taking notes I don't get it, mom, don't you want to watch your babies grow? I guess pills are more important, all you have to say is no But you won't do it will you? You gon' keep popping 'til them pills kill you I know you're gone but I can still feel you
I turn around and the water sprays my face. I take my hands and run them down my face and sigh.
Why would you leave us? Why would you leave us here? How could you leave us here? How could you leave us? Why would you leave us? Oh, hey
I got this picture in my room and it kills me But I don't need a picture of my mom, I need the real thing Now a relationship is something we will never have Why do I feel like I lost something that I never had? You should've been there when I graduated Told me you love me and congratulations Instead you left us at the window waiting Where you at mom? We're too young to understand where you at, huh? Yeah, I know them drugs, they got you held captive I can see it in your eyes, they got your mind captured Some say it's fun to get the high but I am not laughing And what you don't realise and what you're not grasping That I was nothing but a kid who couldn't understand it I ain't gon' say that I forgive you 'cause it hasn't happened I thought that maybe I'd feel better as time passes If you really cared for me, then where you at then?
Why would you leave us? Why would you leave us here? How could you leave us here? How could you leave us? Why would you leave us? Oh, hey
Our last conversation. You and I sat in the living room Talking 'bout my music and I brought you some to listen to You started crying, telling me, "This isn't you." Couple weeks later, guess you were singing a different tune You took them pills for the last time, didn't you? They took you from us once, I guess they came back to finish you Crying my eyes out in the studio is difficult Music is the only place that I can go to speak to you It took everything inside of me, not to scream at your funeral Sitting in my chair, that person talking was pitiful I wish you were here, mama, but every time I picture you All I feel is pain, I hate the way I remember you They found you on the floor, I could tell you felt hollow Gave everything you had plus your life to them pill bottles You gave everything you had plus your life to them pill bottles Don't know if you hear me or not, but if you're still watching, why..?
Why would you leave us? Why would you leave us here? How could you leave us here? How could you leave us? Why would you leave us? Oh, hey
Sometimes I think about like— Sometimes I think about things like, you know, when I'd have kids and like You won't be there, you know? You won't be there for any of that. I'll never get to see you again. Sometimes I wish I would have just called you, I wish I would have just picked up the phone, wish you were here. I mean you should have been there for us, you should have been here. Pills got you, right? Them pills got you, right? I wish you were here
Getting out of the shower I just throw on some boxers and Kyles hoodie. Turning off my speaker I grab my phone and earphones and head out the door down the hall to Travis's room. Not caring I opened the door startling everyone who was in there. I climb in between Carter and Mika and curl up into Mika's side.
"Are you okay, ro-ro," Mika asks and I just shake my head. He nods and hugs me tightly. Everyone seemed to understand that I just needed them so they all cuddled in close to me.
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We were all laughing and goofing around when my door opened and closed. When we looked up we saw Kiro. It was not common for him to join us but when he did it meant something was wrong and he just needed us. He came and curled up between me and Mika.
"Are you okay, ro-ro," Mika asks using the nickname he gave Kiro. When Kiro shakes his head, Mika just hugs him. I looked around to see everyone worried. I ushered them to come closer and we all cuddled in close to Kiro giving him what he needed at the moment.
"My mother died today," He says all of a sudden. I begin running my fingers through his hair knowing it helps keep him calm.
"Do you want to tell us how she died?" Caleb asks.
"Overdose. Niki and I had come home from school when we were 7 and I immediately went to her room knowing that is where she always was at. But when I got there I saw the bathroom door open and her with a pill bottle in hand. She was lying on the floor dead. I was frozen in my spot until Niki tried to come in. I immediately told her mom wasn't feeling well and that we should call 911. She nodded and handed me the phone. I stayed in the bathroom with my mother's dead body for an hour before my father came home and paramedics showed up. Niki was so confused but I kept her busy by playing games and stuff like that with her. When my father came home without my mother I knew. But being me I just sat there emotionless. I didn't even cry at her funeral," He tells us. Kiro still hasn't been able to shed a single tear since being here and I know once we get passed that barrier we can finally help him fully.
"I a so sorry that the shit you went through was so hard. But we promise that we will always be here for you no matter what," Jackson says. Yeah, he has finally come out of his shell since Kiro has been here and I couldn't be prouder of him.
"I love you guys, please don't break my trust. I don't think I can handle any more heartbreak," He says shocking all of us. Mika immediately shoots up with the brightest smile on his face.
"You love us!" Mika exclaims happily. Kiro chuckled making me smile. Mika can do that. Make people laugh even when they want to be sad.
"Yes, Junebug. I love you. All of you," Kiro says with the biggest smile on his face. Mika looks at me as if silently asking if he could ask the question. I look around myself to see everyone just as happy as he is. I look at Nick who just nods. I look back at Mika and smile nodding. He begins jumping up and down on Kiro's lap. Kiro groans and tries to stop Mika from bouncing. I chuckle as I look down and notice the obvious bulge in his pants.
"Would you like to join us then?" Mika asks happily.
"Join what?" Kiro asks acting confused. Mika's smile fades but reappears as Kiro smirks.
"Don't do that," Mika says pouting and crossing his arms. Kiro chuckles and brings Mika to his chest. He whispers something in Mika's ear making him blush but also jump out of bed and run around. He heads out of the bedroom and everyone looks at Kiro confused.
"What did you say to him?" Nick asks. Kiro gets out of bed and just as he is about to walk out he smiles and looks at us.
"I just told him yes," He says walking away. I couldn't help but the biggest smile that grows on my face. I look around to see everyone has the same expression.
