Save Me From Evil

  When we are born there isn't a dialog asking us what kind of parents we would like to have; if there were such thing I would be one of the many children putting it to use. My name is Austin Ryan Presley, and growing up for me was a battle of its own. Even today my childhood is not clear to me, but with every day I fight this battle I gain fragments of memories I once lived. These memories would find there way to me by means of night terrors which made sleeping a rather bothersome event. It was a very rough opening to my life, but It has made me who I am today. I'm living today with a very important lesson; that lesson is that in the end everything will work itself out. 

  I only just began noticing the unusual acts of my mother at 13 years of age, and everything leading up to that year is a complete blur. My mother was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, and her refusal to get help was only the beginning of the winding roads of living with her. The anger of those with this disorder is rather unpredictable; I literally drove myself crazy trying to figure out why the littlest things in the world cause this much of a uproar. When she released such anger the result of it was horrible; she would throw any sort of object towards us, break doors, and the use of the foulest language was used around me as a young kid. This was in my opinion the worst role model for a child that was learning the ways of living in this world. It still drives me crazy trying to think how she did in these situations; why would someone want to live there life in such violence?

  This woman who gave birth to me was very controlling to the point where I was basically kept away from everyone who made me happy. As a teenager all I wanted to do is spend the night at a friends, and play the next biggest game. My mother wanted me to be just like her, and this meant making sure I was as miserable as possible. Once my mother began controlling every aspect of my life I began to rebel against my mothers words. In an attempt to get away from her tantrums I would visit my brothers, and sisters over the weekends. It only resulted in her forbidding me from seeing my own family, and at this time It was like she was throwing me in a jail cell. I was so confused at why my mother was treating me this way, and soon it began to show that I was scared. 

  I was grounded for a six month period, and the reason for this restriction was because I went behind her back to see my family. During this time I began to really wonder how long this was going to last, and still this question remains as I move on with my life today. I was not able to see my friends, leave my room, and I had no access to any electronics I owned. I was locked away from life, and I began to sink into a mild depression as I yearned for the affection of a family. Each night that went by I just wanted to be happy with my family, but slowly it was becoming clear that that was not going to happen. As the restriction was lifted all I wanted to do is see my family, but I knew what I was risking once again. 

  It was my nephews birthday, and I was not about to let him turn two years old without me standing by his side. I took what my mother called a "back stabbing leap", and this was the boiling point of my mothers hatred. Someone took pictures of me at the birthday party, and delivered them to my mother before I arrived home from what she believed was a night with my brother. This came with another restriction of six months, but this time it was with the payment of being beat mentally. There's a fine line between discipline, and abuse. She as a parent broke this line many times in my life as well as my siblings lives.

  During this period of my life I began to slowly fall into a deep depression that no human should ever have to face, and It was a very dark phase of my existence. While not being able to have contact with anyone my life became fixated on suicide; every day I was thinking of new ways to end my life so I wouldn't have to endure this pain anymore. My grades began to fall, and what I once cared for was no longer a concern. All I wanted now was to be a name that was once known by few. I had many thoughts, and unfortunately several attempts of suicide. These attempts were anything from cutting my wrists, hanging myself, and trying to obtain chemicals such as Cyanide. I couldn't take the growing pain that was taking over everything.

  One week I didn't sleep for three days, and each night I was crying so much over the fact that the pain was overwhelming. On the third night I went into the kitchen, and I grabbed the sharpest knife I could find. I then went back to my dark bedroom, and took one last moment to say a quick prayer. With tears steaming from my eyes I slashed my wrists, and lost so much blood that caused me to pass out. I only thought it was over, but it was only the beginning of what still confuses me today. Three hours later I woke up from my blood bath, and the only thing I could think about is the fact that I should have died.

  I took this life changing moment as a sign that everything was going to be okay, and five days later my sister contacted me via text message with a question that gave me hope. She asked me if I wanted out, and if so she was going to hire a lawyer to start a case with the attempt of removing me from my broken home. Needless to say I was scared of my mother finding out that I was trying to leave, but with time I made up my mind that I deserved a better living. With a total of five days temporary custody was awarded to my sister, and this I was very thankful for. 

  On the fifth day six cop cars pull into my yard; while three were watching me through my window the other three served papers to my parents. I could hear the the officers telling my mother that I was coming with them, and I could hear her trying to fight the officer as if she was going to try to stop them. The officers removed me from her house, and within a year we fought four tough court cases. Permanent custody was awarded to my sister, and at that point on I began a very long healing process. I have lived a very happy life with my new family, and due to my mothers hatred towards me I have sadly been forced to sever communication between the two of us.

  I'm currently attending high school, and I have the dream of enlisting into the United States Air Force upon graduation in the year of 2015. I'm engaged to a beautiful woman named Cheyenne Faith, and with every day I'm becoming a respectable man. I'm soon to join the Delayed Enlistment Program, and I will begin the new trails of my life.